Saturday, 12 December 2015

Its A Choice, Not A Must ( the poem from my last post )

No one tells you to get married, some just expect it to happen

Some fall in love, and believe the next step is to do what they have seen

Some feel as though they do not have a choice, that it is a part of life

That no one else is there, so they have to be someone's husband or wife

No one has told you that you have to get married

These days, life is really unexpected

You can never truly trust someone, or know someone

You don't know their intentions they may say one thing, but think another one

You may actually be putting yourself, or someone else in a position they don't want to be

You may think you know, but their mind, their heart you can't see

Hurtful moments in life can change people, especially if they are personal and deep

Those moments where inside you cry and weep

It eats you up, like a curse

But don't let that feeling make you settle down with something worse

Choose what is best for you, even if that ends up being on your own

Be happy and choose what makes you happy, not what can make you moan

Live life comfortably, if you are in a state of sadness

I not saying isolation, I am saying turn it into a state of happiness... One way or another

Keep connections , make friends. Leave the bad ones in the dust,

But don't feel like you have to be super close to anyone, it's a choice, not a must

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Be You, Be Real

In this life, that are very VERY little real and true things and people.

Most companies hiring process has a thought process that " assume the worst from new employees, and have them convince you ". The more they think negative of someone, the more they feel hate and distrusting of people, and thus, no one who recently graduated can get a job, because of the mindset that is put on these recruiters by the company. Having long term negative thoughts about people is not only hurting the company, but its hurting the recruiter. They can start judging people outside the company, their family, the partner, their kids, basically going from wanting to be positive and building up a company, to being selfish, and distrusting of people, and basically an uncaring person, not saying everyone is, but it is a possibility. Also, the job may not even be based on communication, but you have to communicate and explain that you can do it. This entire thing explains how people strive so hard to become something they want to be, just to be held back, and thus, it makes people rethink their career path, and even possibly settling down with something they don't like, causing them to get stressed out on life, and eventually hating life. Also, this can cause people to think less about themselves, to feel like they somehow don't have what it takes to do what they have strives to do for a long time, and in their and other people's minds, believe that they have all the tools and have what it takes to be what they dream of being, but are not being accepted. This can cause them to be a bit more uncomfortable to deal with in a relationship, and may even effect how they want to treat their kids, to believing that they can be who they want, to basically giving up on their kids because they have given up on themselves. 

 The people you date, you can never fully believe that they are going out with you for you, it could be more about themselves than for you. What is their intent on being with you, did you make such a touching and deep speech or done something that touched them, that now they want to just be with you, and are attracted to you, but then eventually get bored of you but " feel bad " for leaving you, so they cheat behind your back until they find someone they happy with, before telling you. Or maybe they do actually feel for you, and say that they are loyal to you, but they do not show any interest in you, and more concerned about their image, but keep you around because " your a nice person", not actually loving you, but more " appreciative" than " loving ", they appreciate, but never give back in the relationship. What about those people that are more fixed on money, and having things done their way, and basically selfish, but when you met them first, they were caring and understanding and giving you all you need, and your now just sitting their hoping that they get over whatever is happening and become that sweet loving caring person, but the fact is that person may not have even been there? What about those so desperate for a relationship that they lie about their age and at the end seem like they only in the relationship for a different reason, like maybe getting a green card so they can be with their family, and willing to love someone they don't know just to do that, then when you 2 are together, she or he acts super distant from you because she or he never felt that close to you, she or he only cared that you got her there. You got to be 100 percent sure of their intention of being with you from the start, before considering being in a relationship with someone, and especially before choosing to live he rest of your life with them, or you can always choose to be free, on your own, there is no rule that says you have to be in a relationship, or that you HAVE TO get married.Here is a poem that I written:

No one tells you to get married, some just expect it to happen

Some fall in love, and believe the next step is to do what they have seen

Some feel as though they do not have a choice, that it is a part of life

That no one else is there, so they have to be someone's husband or wife

No one has told you that you have to get married

These days, life is really unexpected

You can never truly trust someone, or know someone

You don't know their intentions they may say one thing, but think another one

You may actually be putting yourself, or someone else in a position they don't want to be

You may think you know, but their mind, their heart you can't see

Hurtful moments in life can change people, especially if they are personal and deep

Those moments where inside you cry and weep

It eats you up, like a curse

But don't let that feeling make you settle down with something worse

Choose what is best for you, even if that ends up being on your own

Be happy and choose what makes you happy, not what can make you moan

Live life comfortably, if you are in a state of sadness

I not saying isolation, I am saying turn it into a state of happiness... One way or another

Keep connections , make friends. Leave the bad ones in the dust,

But don't feel like you have to be super close to anyone, it's a choice, not a must 

Making a REAL difference in life:
Maybe one day you want to go and help people and make a difference in the world, having gone though so much, and hearing all the changes students are doing, that you want to contribute to that change, but then having schools block you from helping because their mindset is more about protecting their jobs and their life, than the life of the students, and not allowing the community that they say they work for help in any way, shape, or form, even if they have supporters from the school board themselves. People may say they became a teacher to make a difference and teach people and help people at the same time, but is that their real intention? Have their really been doing what they say they do? Do they try to listen to feedback, and use the feedback, or listen to the feedback, and do whats best to keep their job? The rest of the world knows what needs to be done in schools, but its the schools themselves that are blocking people from doing so, but yet they say they are giving the community a voice, but are they really listening? Changing the system may not make a difference if the people in schools have that mindset.

Childhood, the moment where most kids are free, and some aren't. Some are free to have fun and feel free, and some are abused by family, ignored by the ones that they they love them, or worse, pretty much not cared for. Some kids grow up with a lot of life issues, meaning maybe social issues, mental issues, and more. Some parents even get a divorce, then become selfish, more concerned for their happiness than their daughter or son, even if they know that something is wrong with them. This can cause children to turn far different than what they used to be. You may once think that someone is really sweet, but then get mentally or emotionally effected by things, and causing them to change. A child can go from being so smart, and caring, and educated, to feeling lost, wanting attention, needing acceptance by any way, making people look the other way.

The only thing real in this world is you, but who are you really, what are you going through, what have you given up on, are you really the person that you believe you are, or are you only saying it because of something, because someone is making you say that, because you have to say it, or that you want attention, and willing to lie and do what you can to get that attention, and now its come to the point that even you believe it, but other people don't see that about you, and believe you are saying that for attention, or something. Are you really living the life you want, and are you really the person that you want to be? Are you really who you say you are?

( will be working more on this article in time, will probably re-post this later ) 

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Little Something I Felt Like Writing, An Idea For A Character For An Anti Bullying Film

First off, Its been such a long time since I posted a post on here, really should get myself back to making posts again. I have just been thinking a lot about things, about my career, working to get into other university or college again, wanting to make a difference, but felt like I was stuck. I also been thinking bout my past a bit, just been going through a little bit, but I am back and feeling much better, but I am still working on thinking of a way to make a difference. 

Someone contacted me recently asking for my help with their anti bullying short movie, you can read more about the people who contacted me in my last post. That gave me an Idea to write this post, an idea for a character of a anti bullying superhero movie or show or something.

It would be a leader of a group of victims, people who suffered though bullying and have gathered together to create a force, that partner themselves with the super hero of the movie, but choose not to join in because they believe in following in their own footsteps, and not run by some superhero. They are there to protect those who can not defend themselves. 

Later in the show, or movie, other the superhero says someone to the leader of the group, that the superhero did not know would be harmful to the leader. Or maybe the leader spots the superhero stopping someone in his/her group who they believed was innocent, and that causes the group to think differently about the superhero, and start to find a way to capture the hero, by doing what they can to get the hero's attention. 

They continue to do worse and worse things, starting from very less serious issues, to harming others to get the hero's attention. They get to the point that they start to realize that they have turned into the people that they were working to stop, Most of them hand themselves in to the hero, but the others still roam and try to rebuild the group in a new name, but are eventually stopped. 

There are various things that happen in between each of these moments, but this is more of a general way to explain how this character would be through the story.

The look of the character: He would have a mask, kind of like " Anonymous ", or maybe one that covers a mark of his or her past. this leader would show some serious signs of being bullied by his look, maybe with tattoos, or unique marks on his cloths and on some of his items that he carries with him. He would look like someone who really knows so much about how it is like to be really isolated, and suffered so much in his/her past. 

The character would slowly start to question a few actions that the hero takes, since the group thinks a bit difference about handling certain issues. Eventually, once the turning point comes and the character sees something that the hero done or something, the character puts all of his or her efforts to capture the hero to question him face to face. He or she would go from being dedicated and being a kind leader, to being a bit more strict and a bit of a " crazy " attitude, almost as though his depressed, emotions he or she once had in the past is coming back in a bad way. 

What do you think of this so far, will be working on it more. 

Thursday, 21 May 2015

Make A Difference In Schools!

We need your help!

( taken from the petition: )


Effective September 1, 2012, Ontario became the third province in Canada to implement anti-bullying legislation. The Accepting Schools Act, 2012,was developed in response to the growing concern about bullying behaviours, and several tragic suicides of bullied students. A recent study of the Public Health Agency of Canada1 reveals that nearly 20% of students report being bullied, while 40% of students report being both victims and bullies. The study's authors concluded that young people involved in bullying tend to have elevated levels of emotional and behavioural problems. Ontario's legislation is intended to identify and prevent bullying, and provide resources and support for educators and students as they deal with bullying incidents.


Trends in bullying and harassment prove that bullying's going to get worst. As the case with Shahid Munawar a young man who went through his whole elementary, high school, and even college life hated and bullied to the closest point of death. My daughter, Lexxy, former bully victim and inspiration (see video) was bullied on several different occasions at two different schools not to mention the 136 "reported" bullying incidents in Ontario schools. Unfortunate incidences of bullying occurred after 2012 prove that there are loopholes in Bill 13 - The Accepting Schools Act. 


Tougher anti-bullying laws to protect the well being of our children.


1.) Educational - As per Bill 113, what good are resources and support for students if a bullied individual is ostracized and ashamed to ask for help in the first place? As was the case with Shahid Munawar. 

The solution: Schools need to adopt an anti-bullying culture. The implementation of a mandatory weekly course study into the public school system (elementary, middle & high school) that focuses on "anti-social behavior" and teaches anti-bullying ethics alongside good morals and values is very much necessary especially since bullying is a matter of public health and safety. The overall outcome will bring about a much better school that is focused on the safety and well-being of students just as much as the education of students.

2.) Legal - Fact: Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University. Fact: A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying. Which begs the question; when a child takes their own life as a result of bullying, who's accountable? Certainly one would agree that someone needs to bear some level of responsibility. 

The solution: In the result that a child takes his/her own life and it can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt in a civil court of law that a bully played a contributing factor, the implementation of a suitable penalty as determined under the Ontario civil justice system. Individuals under 18 years of age, the parents will face the penalty while individuals over the age of 17 will be held accountable for their own actions in a civil court of law.


Please support this petition and please share the link with your friends and family. Let's work together to protect the lives of our children and put an end to bullying one signature at a time, and lead by example. Thank you in advance for your support. 


Please register with our network, speak up and make a difference. (Main Page) (Teens who have been bullied to death)

Press release:

Saturday, 4 April 2015

My updated anti-bullying plan for high schools, and my thoughts on high schools

I feel like there should be a fixed system in schools, like throughout the school board. Schools can still go along with whatever they doing, if promoting is their focus, they can continue it, but every school needs a system for the victims so that there is always a section of schools that are committed to not only protect those, but to raise them, so that they can become leaders of their school. What I was planning was a way for schools to give those who have suffered benefits, as well as a way to really give back to them.

Students usually don't want to be labeled a victim, I understand that, but my plan is to show them that they are not a victim, rather those who are being pushed to something more. To be given the chance to become leaders. They will be given an ID so that if any issue comes up, such as being pushed and bullied and they push someone and gets in trouble for it (just an example), they can show the ID to the principle or the teacher and they will other be excused from punishment, or lessen the punishment. This would lessen the effect of the bullying, because in this way, the victim will not feel bad about the school, but more about the person. If the ID system does not work, maybe the school can have some sort of system in place so that when the student goes to the principle office and the school will have it on record. The victims need to know that they are needed and wanted and accepted by schools, not just a student to be analyzed and monitored. Those schools who just monitor or analyze the students or even just let them know that they are smart, are not really helping the students with their personal well-being, and their social well-being, rather just showing them that education is all that matters to the school, and not the safety and well-being of the students. Schools work for the community, there for, schools need to be more than just education, but need to be true leaders that really bring out the best in people, and those that do not, need to be questioned ( meaning those teachers that don't seem to care about what’s going on, or worse ), or even tested. My plan will not just give the victims a chance to become leaders, but the bullies who are just bullying because they have a rough life may see that there is something going on and want to be a part of it. The overall outcome of this will bring about a much better school that is focused on the life of the students just as much as the education of the students, maybe more so.

I believe that schools have "mixed feelings" about how bullying should be treated. I understand that this gives more freedom, and creativity for people to try out various ways to handle this issue. However, what is there was a fixed system in place, a way to track a students school history, I do not mean their education, but maybe their personal school life. What I mean by that is that if the school, or teachers know that a student is depressed, is being bullied, or maybe something that may have effected that student mentally, that every school that student goes to, needs to have their " school life history". It would be a way to track the students mental health, a way to see how the students social life is, as well as education, and also to work with the students that are going through a lot, or have been through a lot, and to work with them to bring them up, and build them up, not just in their education, but in their social life, in their personal life, and in their life in general. I strongly believe that what I have to offer can greatly improve the lives of those students that are suffering, or going through a lot, to build them up and create a brighter future for them, that will give them leadership skills, social skills, communication skills, and also to really feel accepted, needed, and wanted in the schools, and by the students and staff in the schools.

This idea will give students the chance to step up and to really make a real big difference in their schools, especially for those who have been suffering by bullying. It will give victims of bullying to be a part of something that will really make them feel needed, wanted, accepted, and appreciated in their school.

This is how it will work.
First off, the school can take the time to analyze a few students that the school knows that are going through things, such as bullying, or depressed. The school must have the history of the student, and know what he has been through in his past school (elementary school), as well as their health, mental health.

Now, he will be sent to a room of some sort (office or somewhere) so that the student can be told about a really great opportunity to be a part of something and to be the one to create it.

Here are some things that they will be discussing:

•       It would be a volunteer thing, meaning if they choose not to be a part of it, it is ok. Assure them that they are free to walk away from this at any time, in order to feel comfortable.

•       The student will have benefits, such as leaving their classroom early to monitor other classes of any bullying that is happening, where they will simply mention on paper ( or on computer if they more comfortable ) as to where its taking place, if its physical or verbal, and so on.

•       The student can also get involved and defend people who are being bullied, if they get spotted by a teacher or staff, they will have an ID of some sort where they show to the Staff member where then they are asked what exactly happened, and will be sent to the office not for getting involved, but in order to share what happened, and also will have a lesser, or no punishment, depending on the situation.

•       The student will later be able to “hire “other students to the cause, those who are in need to be a part of it, such as students who have been continually bullied.  However, this will be done after the First student has been monitored and is trust worthy to bring in order, whereby they too will be monitored.

•       The student and the soon to be group will also be a part of sharing ideas and creating events that they believe will benefit the school, knowing that this is coming from a group of students who have suffered in the past; there will be more freedom for them to share their ideas.

You may be wondering why lessen the punishment when they are spotted doing something. This way, for those who have been bullied and pushed, and depressed and so on, they will still feel a “sting” and realize what they did was wrong, however, the school should realize that the student has had a lot of past moments, and maybe even some mental effects do to past bullying and depression, there for, lessening the punishment will lessen the effect, but of course, depends on the situation.

          This will give students a way to truly feel needed, wanted, and feel as though they are a part of something special in their school, a way to truly step up against bullying, and to feel accepted and comfortable in their school.

Sunday, 22 March 2015

People Come First To Me ( and a little about how i see SOME schools, and my passion to change things )

To be honest, in my opinion, I do not see schools, I see businesses. I see places that say that they care for the community, that they are here to teach and help the students, but when it comes to protecting them, they use " bullying " and " anti bullying " as a way to market themselves. A way for them to be seen as something different than what they really are. Just think of these schools as a product for a second, seeing that they do work in one way, but yet there are signs or side effects, and the people, the creators who have made these products are not taking the time to really see the issue and fix it, rather they are promoting that this is an issue. In order to fix this issue, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN SCHOOLS, A CURE, A WAY TO MAKE THESE SIDE EFFECTS GO AWAY, OR AT LEAST CONTROLLED!

People come first, it has always been this way for me. Some people have told me that I care and think of others too much, Some say that it is pointless to be so focused on creating such a change that I am trying to create, that it will only lead to failure, that it's just how life is. That it's just how schools are, it is just how people are, it is just how the world is. I have had a rough past, caused me to sort of have mix feelings about what I wanted to be, but deep down, I have always had a strong feeling to create change for people, to help, to make change. It has always been in me, but in the past, I just wanted to settle down because I always felt like maybe I was looking for attention, but I AM NOT. I can see how things are and how things should be, I have such a strong feeling, passion, and desire to change things for the better, and I have fully committed myself to create this change I have mentioned above. There is nothing else that matters to me, from now on, this is my goal in life, to create the change I could have made, and to CREATE THE CURE IN SCHOOLS! One part of me may be gone for now, but my desire and determination to create change will not go away! People say that I can not do it, or that it can NOT BE DONE, but I WILL PROVE THEM WRONG! PEOPLE COME FIRST!

Thursday, 12 March 2015

New Life, New Beginnings, You Can Change Your Future, AND HAVE WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU!

People may think that once you are on one path, you choose to do one thing, once you have graduated in something, that it defines you. That you have been placed and labeled something and can not change that. That there is no other way to go but straight, and never go on that path that you really wanted. That you can not try to have that thing that really matters to you, just cause you THINK it won't work out, or that they will not accept you because of who you are, or what you do. You may think that you can no longer be what you want to be because you have went from being the " type " that fits that position, to something different ( like going from being talkative to being silenced because of being bullied or depression and so on and not being able to be in a field where you talk to people cause you think it no longer fits you ). Anyone can become what they choose to be, anyone can make a difference in the world, in the way they with to do it. If you are passionate enough about it, you can create a chance greater than what others, maybe even yourself, thought that you could. People have their own opinions on things, and may think that what you want to be is wrong or its never going to work out, just cause of their opinion of what it is, or their opinion of you. NEVER LISTEN TO OTHERS WHEN IT COMES TO DOING AND BEING YOU AND DOING WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU! Know what you want to become, know what is your desired outcome, and also a bit about what you may have to do to make it happen. For example, you may have had been through so much, like I have, and have chosen to be alone, in a way to not isolate yourself, but to reach that position in your life, sort of like motivating yourself in a matter that may seem strange to some, but in the end, you will achieve something great. To have just a bit of that feeling of people not believing in you as a motivation to be more than what they think you are, to create a change in the world, to make your mark in the world. KNOW, UNDERSTAND, BELIEVE, FEEL, SEE, MOTIVATE, AND BECOME WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU, AND GET WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU, ANY WAY THAT YOU CAN, AND IN YOUR OWN WAY. NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS KEEP PUSHING FORWARD.

I will be starting my new path in just a few days, going to college as mentioned in my past posts. Going into something that some people have said that will be pretty hard for me, and even sounded like they do not believe I will be able to achieve what I have said in the past. Here is a song that made me think about writing this:

Monday, 9 March 2015

Overthinking, Overfeeling ( using your mind more than your heart, or your heart more than thinking )

Some people tend to over think things, to the point that they lose what they want the most, they lose what they want personally, and aim more towards what is " logical ". They tend to push certain things or people away just because they assume they are bad or wrong, they tend to judge more without really seeing it themselves. They also tend to push their thoughts more to the point that they want their point to be just, to make it look like their idea or thought on things is the top best way to go, that if others do not go with what they say, that they are " stupid ". In life, we have freedom to choose what we wish to be, to be with who we want, to choose the way that we wish to do things, to think and feel the way that you wish to think and feel about the world and everything. Over thinking things may make you rich, and may give you such an amazing looking life, but in time, you will have so much things that seem right, but yet feel something wrong, that is because you have focused so much time on logic, that you never once took the time to know what truly matters to you. You chose to go into something knowing the outcome of it, but yet later you have realized that all you want is to settle down with someone, that is an example.

The opposite of that is over feeling, to concentrate to much on your heart. Sometimes this may be a really good thing to do, to focus on what truly matters to you, and I believe that you should always focus on what truly matters to you. However, what I am saying about over feeling is the times where you fall in love with those who abuse you, to do things that is so harmful but yet it makes you feel happy, to drop your school for someone else, then later realizing that you really want to become someone, but maybe you can no longer do that, or maybe its the opposite, you focus so hard on wanting to become something that you lose someone that you love. Over feeling things can most of the time lead you to a much more happier life, but you also have to think and take the time to see if you are really ready to take that step that may change your life forever. Balance both your heart and mind, know what truly matters to you, and also think of what will it lead, and if you really want it, and if you are ready for it.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

A Song To Those I Once Felt Deep For... those moments before it all changed

The song is called Fairy Tale by Omnia.... enjoy

the song:

Child of the pure unclouded brow
And dreaming eyes of wonder!
Though time be fleet, and I and thou
Are half a life asunder,

Thy loving smile will surely hail
The love-gift of a fairy-tale. (x2)

I have not seen thy sunny face,
Nor heard thy silver laughter:
No thought of me shall find a place
In thy young life's hereafter

Enough that now thou wilt not fail
To listen to my fairy-tale. (x2)

A tale begun in other days,
When summer suns were glowing-
A simple chime, that served to time
The rhythm of our rowing-

Whose echoes live in memory yet,
Though envious years would say 'forget.' (x2)

Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread,
With bitter tidings laden,
Shall summon to unwelcome bed
A melancholy maiden!

We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime near. (x2)

Without, the frost, the blinding snow,
The storm-wind's moody madness-
Within, the firelight's ruddy glow,
And childhood's nest of gladness.

The magic words shall hold thee fast:
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast. (x2)

And, though the shadow of a sigh
May tremble through the story,
For 'happy summer days' gone by,
And vanish'd summer glory-

It shall not touch, with breath of bale,
The pleasance, of our fairy-tale. (x2)

Though time be fleet, and I and thou
Are half a life asunder,

Thy loving smile will surely hail
The love-gift of a fairy-tale

People May Change, Don't Make Them Change You!

People may they feel one way about you, but yet act another way later on. They may always be around you, then all of a sudden not care if you are even around. People may have their reasons for what they do, or maybe some people just change because of the area they are in, once a really nice heart in search for another, to a heart that is ready to give out to more than one at a time, I think you get what I mean by that. It can really make one feel like they have never really cared for you at all, and make you feel so hurt, but know that its their loss, not yours. They may have a lot of issues that they are going through, they may not really understand what they are doing, because they are surrounded with people who are doing the same thing, or maybe moved to a place that like, and shown to you that they can give in so fast to anything, never truly being themselves. They may sound one way, but look another, always be careful with who you trust, especially online, those who say they looking for a true relationship, even sounding like a gamer, but yet having pictures of them in a bit of a " different way ". You can never trust anyone, but you can always trust yourself, and believe in yourself, and know yourself. Never change yourself for someone else, especially when they seem to no longer care for you, its their loss, they cheated, or they just wasn't what you thought they were. Focus on loving yourself, know yourself inside and out, and know what you want from another, know what you need in a relationship, and take the time to experience the world we live in, we only live once. In the end, you can never truly trust anyone, I have experienced it myself a few times trust me I have been hurt, a lot, by people who pretended, or acted, or seemed to care when they didn't. BE CAREFUL, AND NEVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE! KNOW YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF! LOVE WHAT YOU DO AND WHO YOU ARE! SHE OR HE WILL COME TO YOU ONE DAY! AND IF NOT, AT LEAST YOU WILL BE LIVING A FREE, HAPPY LIFE WITHOUT FEAR OF " THEM "!

Monday, 2 March 2015

Who Am I ( poem )

I am the light, that was once darkness

I am the open hand, when you see emptiness

I am the fire, that burns brightly

I am truth, in a world of little honesty

I am the shield, that protects from hate

I am the beam, that burns a path straight

I have faced so much, yet I continue on 

I may have lost my path, yet something in me stays strong

I chosen to be alone, in order to make the dream a reality

I am now focused on one thing, to make them see

That I am what I say I am, even if I may have slipped in the past

The lies from before has now passed ( of my past relationship, and some other things ) 

I am now focused on one thing, to become what I was meant to be

I AM CHANGE, I AM HOPE, I WILL SET PEOPLE FREE ( those suffering in schools, or anywhere, and to make the change that I have said before, I no longer have any distractions, nothing holding me down, and no one to put any priority on, just those that are suffering and to make those who have become blind with - money over community - to really see what is happening, and what they are doing, and make things better! ) 

( just 2 weeks, till i really start to build something, by doing to college, the beginning to the change, will build myself up, and will bring change, one way or another)

Saturday, 28 February 2015

Amanda Todd

I have been looking at various videos about this Amanda Todd girl, seen a few rants, and some support videos, and more. Below is my comment to one of the rants that I have seen. It will pretty explain everything.

In my opinion, this isn't really about Amanda still getting attention, and i find it weird that you would mention that, you make it sound like she did it as a way to get even more attention, and from the look of it, she would probably would have been smart enough to like have that mindset that its wrong, however, with all that she had gone through because of one picture, and the mistakes she made, her mindset changed, but it was not really a choice, once you are stuck in that depression mind set, its hard to break out of, I myself have been depressed, not really cause of mistakes i made, but the point is, once someone is really " depressed ", it is really hard to actually choose what’s right and what’s wrong, clearly her mistakes were wrong, but in her mind, she was looking for an escape in the wrong places, BECAUSE she was not in her right mind, she was depressed, in a way, she wasn't her anymore, in a way, she just had a mindset that anything that would make her feel comfortable would be a way to escape, and as such, she made these mistakes as sort of a way to feel better, which we all know was wrong, but the point here is she was so depressed, she lost the will and the mindset to really see that, and she, as you and some people say, " CHOSE" to kill herself, it was not really a choice, you HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FROM HER PERSPECTIVE NOT YOURS, put yourself in her shoes, ii you had a depressed mindset, you would be reaching out for comfort, and not wanting to feel crazy or need of help, that is how usually depressed people are, they do not want to be labeled crazy, as I also have in the past, but i came out of that, but this isn't about me, the point is, the issue with Amanda Todd is more about the EFFECTS things can cause, how one picture can expand into pretty much a worldwide thing, and as such, can cause one to be looked at as a slut, having guys ask her for stuff that probably sickened her at the time, but because she fell into that depression, that mindset, she lost control, in a way, she was already gone the moment she made that mistake, it’s not that she gave in, more like she lost herself.... I think you get my point by now.

Friday, 27 February 2015

Never Stop Gaming, Age Means Nothing

This article is about those who feel like they are getting " too old " to keep playing video games, but yet still really love doing it. People say that if you love something, stick with it, then why stop playing video games, especially that there are a large variety of video games in the world, for different age groups. Also, video games have grown so big, went from just an activity, to being a massive thing in society. There are even people in their 80s that are gamers ( check this link: ). There are big gaming events, PAX being one of them. There is something called the Major League Gaming. Here is a question to ask yourself, you may be playing some app games such as Candy Crush, what makes you different than someone who plays on a console? What makes a game on a phone app, and spending hours on a phone app, different than someone spending hours on a console? Think of it this way, you have certain movies that you love, would you stop watching them because you are too old? Depending on the movie maybe, but most likely you would choose to move on to another movie because you love movies. So whats the difference between that, and between someone who moves on from one video game to the next? They are both entertainment, and if you are loving what you see or do ( a movie or a game ), what is really stopping you from doing what you love? NO ONE. So never think that you are too old for something, stopping it is more of a choice, but its not a " bad thing" to stick with it. Some people even made a living out of it ( PewDiePie ). So if you are a parent, and worried bout your son or daughter playing too much, maybe encourage them to make it into some sort of career, like a video game tester, or a designer of video games, or art, or even try to be a famous YouTube gamer. Never feel bad if you are old and playing video games, or a parent and feeling bad bout your son or daughter playing a lot of video games, if its what they love, encourage and get them into working in " the field". You are never too old for games. If its what you love, DO IT! :)

Friday, 20 February 2015

What Been Going On With Me These Days

I have had a bit of a tough time getting a job, mostly because I didn't get one. I went from getting a couple, to not getting one. So I chose to go to little jobs, but have felt every time that I should do way better than this. I felt like I was giving up on everything and just settling, but I do NOT settle, even if I try. The only time I would is if I was with someone, knowing that someone truly felt for me, and I would go out of my way for them because that's just who I am. However, lets just say that my past lie is gone ( lie meaning a person ), so I started to think about myself. First, I thought that I am 24, and should really have a job by now and be doing something in my field. I have tried looking for jobs, again, I have some help with my job search, even had a family friend let me know that they work for a company that is always hiring, but yet I did not get a response yet, for a while. So I chose to look at other options, and I bumped into a college that really looked like something, I was thinking of going to a accounting program because it was what my family friend was going to get me, but something hit me. I started to wonder if this college has so much services and so on, internships, employer services ( so employers can hire graduates ), and more, and they also had courses in health and community stuff. I felt like I had to make a choice. On one hand, the accounting program, move on with my life and work and just focus on providing for my future family, and leave all that I have tried to do behind. Option 2, Community service worker, continue to help people in need, create any sort of change I can. The moment I stepped into the college to discuss with the career counselor I already made my choice. I chose to continue with what I was doing before, so I chose the Community program. I have nothing stopping me, and as I said, I DO NOT SETTLE, so why settle with a job just to provide my future family, when now I can be working on what I have started on before, creating change, in any way I can, with so much support from the college to get work in it and so on. Bottom line is, THE LEADER OF CHANGE IS BACK ( look at my past posts and you will see what I mean lol ) :) will be starting classes in a few weeks.

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

My Life Story, rewritten

Those you thought would be on your side, turns out to be only " doing their job ", Those that you think that feel so deeply for you, can turn their back on you at a moment notice, Fighting and making a difference, can take more than a lifetime to change one thing. Graduating from a college and going on to getting a job, is a real rough path especially if you have been through depression. These are just a few things I have been through, yet I continue to push forward, falling, but getting up again and again. Feeling like giving up, yet I get back up and continue, I let go feeling like it’s over, but get right back up and take it once more because deep inside I know I can. I have been through so much, from my school life, my depression I faced after graduating college, my push for change, relationship issues, isolation, sadness, and so much more things I had been through in my life, yet I keep going. I will tell you everything that I have faced, everything I have felt, gone through, and give you what you need, motivation, and more to create change. You are not alone!

The story begins in elementary school in the 4th grade, where I had to move from one school to another, I was shy and did not know anyone in the school, I was placed in a help class, to help me with my homework. In time, the teachers of that class told me and my parents that I will never ever go to college, or even a “proper high school”. Can you imagine how that must have felt to hear that from those who are supposed to be there to prepare you and help you to make it to something more than just a “proper high school”? In time, the school allowed me to go to my 6th grade without any of the extra help. I almost got straight As and proved them wrong. Sounds great doesn’t it, but this is actually the start of my depressive school life.

I had to face so many hardships from this point. Students making fun of me for any little thing I do, and It wouldn’t just last a day, it would last longer. I was bullied for almost every single thing I did that I started to feel like everything I did was wrong. I also started to feel like I had no friends around me, and being the new shy kid in the school, I started to turn into just being shy to talk to someone, to being scared to talk to someone. I would leave all of this to myself, not tell my parents because they were so focused on my education, and would not tell my brother since he seemed happy with his life, so I was alone, until I have met someone.

There was this girl in one of my classes, we hardly talked but I had a feeling that inside she cared, we talked and she even hugged me at my 8th grade graduation, you can say that she was my first crush. I wanted to get to know more about her, and she even went to the same high school I was in, but she started to turn her back on me, like all this time she only felt sorry for me. I had no other choice but to force myself away from her. I thought of her for almost 6 years, as I mentioned, was my first crush in a way.

Before I get into my high school life, I have also went to a summer camp 3 times ( 3 summers ). I was so nervous about going there, but I went from being shy, to being so open and free and talkative, it was like I could be myself. It was a great time in my life and I still hold memories of it with me, like being awarded the friendship awards for all 3 summers I went, ok one of them was a swimming award but the thing it said on the award was more of a friendship award.

My high school life, West Hill, I used to call it West Hell, cause it is the place where I have suffered so much and changed me, for the worst. I was still being laughed at, but luckly my 2 best friends from my first elementary school were there, but by that time, the time we started to hand out, it was already “too late”. I felt so down and sad, to the point that I thought that I was shy and always have been, when really deep down I was scared. I started having thoughts every time I was alone, feeling like I was surrounded by people laughing at me, me in the center and a dark circle of people laughing at me. I would sometimes see a light, like a sign of hope, someone who seemed to care and I would go towards it, but then would other turn dark, or would push me back and laugh at me again. It was bad, REALLY BAD.

A teacher noticed what was going on, mostly because my marks were looking strange, getting good in stuff I get bad at and low on stuff I get good at, like a wave. They brought of a doctor to check up on me, done a few puzzles and tests, and found out that I had a superior mind and should be getting great marks. Some may think that this is great and should make me feel better, but to me at the time it made me feel worse, cause at that point I realized that I had no problem, they just had a problem with me, and I was stuck in a place full of people who didn’t like me.

It got to the point where I would come home screaming and mad every day even if the day wasn’t so bad. I would even hurt myself, no cuts, but I would choke myself with a t shirt, still allowing air through, but would do it to the point where I felt pain. I was depressed and dead inside and “gone”.
One day, I went on a chat site, and I was really surprised what I saw. I started making a ton of online friends so much that eventually I had to make more than one account. I was shocked to get the love, seeing so much people care and even like me. I was so happy and I stopped hurting myself, still felt bad in school, but I always had something, and people to go to when I need to.

My parents started taking me to religious events. Seeing a lot of people, my parent’s friends and so on, I found the speeches and so on interesting, but yet every single time I went there, I was looked at as a no body. No one there wanted to get to know me, they would say hi then want to know where my brother is and spend the rest of the time talking to him, and this lasted for years and never changed. For a place of “love” and people gathering together and so on, you wouldn’t think that anyone could feel alone, or not feel welcomed, but I did, caused me to feel even worse about myself, pretty strange isn’t it.

Now for my college life, yes I said college, the place where some teachers thought I would never make it but I did, and I was in one of the hardest programs, computer science. You would think that nothing can happen in college, knowing that they are adults and educated people around, that there can’t be anything bad right? Well I met someone who always liked to be around me, and she even told me she loved me, but turned out that she used me to get good marks on her exams. Once she got better at it, she just left me like I was nothing, and I was alone, again. At that time, I felt like I had a choice to make, to keep all my personal stuff that I wanted to say or talk to someone, to leave all that online, and to leave all my educational career stuff in person. I even chose to do a group project that was meant for 5 people, to do it by myself. I got a great mark on it. From that point on, I just kept person stuff online, and education in person.

After college, my depression really kicked in. I had no distractions and nothing to do, and my depression came out. Got really sad and mad and wanted to do so many things, wanted to be noticed for something so badly that I would do anything, become a pro wrestler, but would stop because I felt like I would just be made fun of or was being made fun of, would think about being an actor, but then felt like I would not be good enough. I was in a loop, and my brother didn’t make it any better, there was one moment where my brother went on and on about something, and it was the first and only time that I heard laughing in my head, and no one was laughing.

I had to take anti-depressants for a little bit, and felt much better. I then started to focus so much of my time to help others to make a difference and I could have too actually, I reached to the point where one of the top people in the school board contacted me and wanted to know more, but then wanted me to do something that I couldn’t do at the time. I felt rejected and was down, I thought that it was over and chose to focus hard on getting a job and working to get somewhere, but I still keep reaching out and helping those in need, and I still continue to find ways to make a difference in the world.

I have also met someone online who I was with for 3 years, she was so sweet, caring, and I believed that she really felt for me. Days before I went to see her in person, she cheated on me, when I went there, she had no interest in me, even though she always said she dreamed about it. I believe that she may have felt something for me, but her life changed, that caused her to do things she would never have done, and change into something really bad, I had no choice but to let her go.

I do not have many friends, I am alone most of the time, but yet I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward through all the rough times. I continue to prove people wrong, fighting, working hard, and making a difference in people’s lives. It has also been a rough time getting a job, having suffered after graduating and having little to show, but yet I know so much. I am a fighter, a survivor, and a giver. I have been told by many people that I have what it takes to be a leader, but to me, everyone does. KEEP FIGHTING! PUSH FORWARD! NEVER GIVE UP!

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Know Your Age

When you are young, people expect that you will be wild and crazy and doing anything and everything, you can never expect anything from someone young, their life can change fast. When you are older, sure you may still be wild and crazy, but you have an idea about whats wrong and whats right, especially when you have children, but SOME people out there actually continue to act like they are younger, meaning they focus more on themselves than their own child, and then wonder later on why their daughter or son is having such a bad attitude or seem to be making bad choices in life, BECAUSE YOU ARE! You are the parent, the one that your child look up to, even if it doesn't seem that way, you are their mom or dad, they see you as someone they should follow in some way, they read what your doing and maybe consciously or unctuously, they do what you would do. Some may say that they have raised their child one way but yet they are acting so selfish, going to casinos and spending a load of money, even to the point of bankruptcy, you are turning people against each other by begging for money, making other people in your family look as though they are not doing anything, when reality is, they are trying their best as hard as they possibly can do give you all that they can. These are the signs that something is seriously wrong, causing your own children to feel uncomfortable with themselves because of the way they were grown up, the way they were " raised ". and as such, they fall into a pit of depression, so deep that they lose themselves, because they hate what they are, but to them, its the only way they know how to live because of all that you have shown them.

The point of all this, when you get older, and when you have kids, especially when you have kids, you have to turn your life around, do whats best for your kids, from when they are born till the day they die, even if it means you lose all the parties and wild fun crazy life, if your kids will have a brighter future because of that, isn't that more important? anything before that is up to you, but when you have kids, they should come first, if not, they will get depressed and you will live your life wondering and feeling disappointed in yourself ( hopefully ) as to why you have become what you have become, and what you have made your kids turn out to be. WAKE UP!

Friday, 2 January 2015

Everyone Is Normal, Even YOU!

In this world, we have to live with those that call us various words, that do some horrific things to people that they say they love, that we with people that judge us and cheat and walk out on us just cause of who or what you are. Those type of people can make us feel so lost, wondering " why me ", we keep hoping that these people will change and we keep forgiving them time and time again, and they continue time and time again almost as if their sorries mean nothing, like all this time they had an agenda, and only had one thing on their mind, which was to punish, cheat, abuse, control, or worse. Some people keep hoping that things will change, and keep everything inside so much that even when the person is finally gone, we start feeling like we have lost something in us, For example, your abusive partner leaves, but you are being taken advantaged of by others, and now you are hoping that they will change, you keep forgiving them, even when they do anything they can to take advantage of you. It can even get to the point where you are labeled as something that you believe and know deep down that your not.

You should never change yourself for or cause of others, but knowing how much is going on in your life, you may have to just turn your life around, take a break from those places where you feel so bad about yourself later, and take the time to really think about yourself, what matters to you, think about your health, your well being, and what you can do to feel more comfortable about yourself. Think of your past experiences as just that, an experience, maybe you went to parties and all those crazy places and had a life like some may not other be able to experience or want to, but you got to experience things, then have seen the dark side to that type of life, or have had people stalk or abuse you at those places that now you are wondering if they will be waiting for you there, is that really what you want your future to be like, or do you want something way different than that? Think about yourself and keep yourself safe and comfortable and happy, and never lose yourself to them, take what really matters the most to you, and do what you got to do to have what truly matters to you. 

Know Yourself, Keep What Matters, Do NOT Let ANYONE Change What Matters To You

The title pretty much says it all, but I will go into more detail.....

You once felt so close to something that matters so much, you believed in something so much, or someone so much, you had what you have always waited right beside you, but you let the words around you change it. People will always judge anything and everything you do, some people don't like others and would judge you for it, or maybe they like the person and would manipulate you to leave them so they get the person or thing. You have said you dreamed for it for so long, and once its there, you let the talk push away what could have been, People who are like, who just change things and move on or even cheat on others are known as liars, or worse, but the truth is they never was as close as they say they were, how could one believe in something so long, then just walk away from something, The only exception that is ok is that one chose to focus more on career goals and getting a job and so on and having a future, or you have a real personal situation, If you have no worries about that, and have all the time you want to have what matters to you, what stopping you, nothing, makes you look way worse. Giving up on something that is right in front of you shows that all of that years was for nothing and it was never anything to you, you never cared about the person or the thing if you would change your feelings that you had for so long for something for years, and then left.

The part above was a little personal, but it was to explain how giving up on anything, a relationship, on people, on stuff, can make you look bad, dreaming for something then dropping it like it was nothing, proof that you never cared for it like you said. Now with me and helping people stuff, I never stopped, I still reach out and talk to people help people, and I still really want to do more, but I am focusing a bit more on having a future, meaning a job right now.

Never let anyone change what matters to you, know yourself, think for yourself, think about yourself first, know what matters, what you yourself want in life, a good career, someone who you love and who loves you, or whatever really matters to you, Cause if you don't and you keep listening to others talking negative about your choices, or those who try to change you, you will keep losing things more and more and keep wondering why. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND TAKE WHAT MATTERS TO YOU!