Saturday, 17 May 2014

Something I Have Tried To Keep Secret... A Sacrifice....

As mentioned on my Google+, I would share a little something that I have been kind of hiding, something that I feel as though I need to share. 

In my life story, I mentioned someone who seemed to like me during elementary and left me during high school. To be honest I still feel as though she has, but the thing is, there was not really anything there, well that is how I see it looking back.Its true that I have had really strong feelings for her, and she was on my mind for almost 6 years, elementary and till the start of college. It is really hard to explain, mostly because I wish not to give out any details.

After high school, when I had really bad thoughts about the school, the one thing that was still on my mind, was her. I knew that there was nothing, but yet I could not stop thinking about it. I felt as though at that time, I had no choice but to make her hate me, in order to picture her as one of them, and to keep it that way. I could not stop wanting something that was clearly never there, no matter how much at that time that I wish it could. I had no choice, but to let go, it was too hard to let go, that the only way I knew to at that time, was to get her to tell me something that would make her hate me, and me hate her.... and I did. I was kind of surprised that she did believe that what I said, but I guess she believed that they ( others ) were right, or cause I seemed pretty depressed, as I was obviously, I don't blame her. I have had so much done to me in my life that anything could have happened to me. 

It was a sacrifice, something that while I was looking back and listened to a few songs from my past ( the post before this one ), I see that it was like it was meant to happen, for me to become who I am now. If I could say just 2 words to her, it would be... thank you. 

This is the song that got me to think about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEPWMMNqqzc

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