As my last post said, I have been had a pretty hurtful week,lets just say that someone who I was fully loyal to and loved and supported and everything, " turned their back " on me. I am very happy to have met her and had that bond with her, as well as my past relationships in the past, they are all loving memories that I will never forget, as well as they have made me into a better person. I do not regret any of my past relationships, because they made me see that one, some people really do love the person that I am, since i suffered though depression for so long, and thought I would never have that kind of connection with anyone, and was blessed to have such connections with people.
I have always had something in me to reach out and really make a change ever since I was in high school, however, at that time, I was too depressed, could not get myself to do anything because my mind set at that time was pretty much broken, and just wanted to fit in at the schools I was at ( elementary school, high school, and college ). I felt as though no one at my schools would ever give me a chance, or anything for that matter. All I wanted to do in the past was to show everyone that I was not stupid or dumb or anything like that, that I was something that people can look to or anything, and chose to graduate in computers in order to surprise those who told me that I would not even be able to go to a " good " high school. However, I have always been helping people online with issues they were having since I started going online and getting so much positive replies and so on from people, making online friends as well as relationships, sure I did have some hard times online as well, but had much more of a positive one. I have always had an inner desire to make change, to make things better for as many people as possible, but I thought it was a fantasy, that it was just like how all those other anti bullying, anti depression companies are trying to accomplish with their ( awareness ), so I put my heart and mind on making those who I have had a bond with to have someone who was all theirs ( if you get what I mean ).
Now, that inner feeling in me has become me, I see that I can really make a difference, getting a school board to listen to me, having life coaches and various doctors and people say that I have what it takes to become a leader, it has shown me that what I thought in the past, that someone can truly make a big difference, that it was NOT a fantasy. As much as I wish to have someone by my side, someone who supports and loves me, I see myself becoming something big, and helping so many people, and I want to make it happen for everyone, even for you ( the person reading this ). I also want to be able to fully trust that someone will not turn their back on me, it hurts and makes me feel as though all my effort to make it work ( and trust me I do put a lot of effort ), that its not good enough. I never want to feel that way. Till I achieve my dream, my goal, reach where I know I can be, I may reconsider it...
But right now, I am, and WILL CREATE CHANGE! I WILL BE CHANGE! I WILL PROVE PEOPLE WRONG AS I ALWAYS HAVE!