Friday, 25 April 2014

Take Time To Really Know Yourself!

I have been so focused on change since way back in high school, I was so depressed in the past, so much that all I wanted in the past was just people to be with, to have that close connection with, and it became a pretty big addiction, I thought I was doing what I wanted to do, but really I was so focused on my pain without knowing it, that I just wanted to live FOR someone, never cared about what I wanted to be, went into computers cause I wanted to prove that I was not stupid, what I cared was wanting that bond with someone, became such an addiction, but the moment, a few weeks ago, that .... she left ... I really had no one and nothing to really hang on to but myself, and that short little time thinking of me, i realized what was going on, I was sick, but now I'm free.

Sometimes, you may feel that you are out of depression, that you are out of an addictive way of life, but then you see that you just fell into another. Sometimes, you may feel like you are all about having a bond with someone, but then later you see the true self, your true self, Something that makes you feel so different, something that you really do not understand, or may think you do not understand, but then realize that it was always who you were, and who you were supposed to be. I went from stuttering, and worrying about getting a job in the field I graduated, to expressing, and talking about how passionate I am for CHANGE! I never thought I was worried, but was shy, and thought I had problems getting things out. Once I really saw who I was, am, and will be, it became so much easier.

You may never know who you are until you are put into a position where you have nothing and no one around you and have no choice but to think of yourself.


Thursday, 24 April 2014


My Dream is to create change, to make such a big impact, to take action and replace all this " awareness " with " action ", to truly end bullying, so committed that i have reached out to a school board, have contacted 2 organizations in only 2 days, have contacted 2 schools, have build so much support in what I am doing in such a short time, and continue to do so, everyone has something special to give back, everyone has a voice, anyone can create change, some may wish to become something else, or feel as though they have to be something else, or that its too hard or too much work, but THIS IS WHO I AM! always have been, always will be, I WILL MAKE THE DREAM COME TRUE!

My past is now gone, can not look back, don't want to look back, time to move forward to make the dream that EVERYONE has been wanting and wishing for, to make it A REALITY! I will continue to make at least one impact each and every day, contact at least one place every day, to make a difference every single day, TO CREATE CHANGE!

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Are You Tired....

Are you tired of people looking down at you, making you feel as though you are less than what you know deep down you are and what you deserve to be. Are you tired of schools seem to let things stay the same, saying they believe in change, but yet nothing ever happens, just the same old things, telling students and parents that this stuff are happening, and seem to want us to do their work. They seem to only want to " do their jobs", but isn't their job to keep students safe, educated, and to be the best that they can be at whatever they choose to achieve? Are they really doing their job? Schools need to truly listen, and not just listen, do what they do with our kids, LEARN, TAKE ACTION, MAKE A CHANGE. If they continue to ignore, to continue on to take action and do something, then the change that we have been wishing for, for so long, may never come.

I hear stories of parents taking actions to their kid's actions, taking actions into their own hands to stop kids from bullying. However, some are taking it to extremes that are doing more harm than good, embarrassing them by having them tell the world that they are a bully, making their own kids be looked at as someone so horrible. Sure, some may say that if they have done some horrific things, that they should be punished, and I understand that, but you can not punish someone who made " mistakes " that were not so big in the first place to such extremes, because then who is the real bully in that picture?

If nothing is changed, if this continues to go on, there will be no change. Are you tired of seeing nothing done to bring about a better future for people, to have the students who suffer from depression, and bullying to be able to see that they have something special to give, something special in them to become anything that they wish to become, to become leaders in life, to become more than they ever thought they could, or more than anyone ever thought of them, to become change. Are you tired of the lack of effort that is being put into bringing about that change by these schools... or worse!? .... ( worse meaning teachers in certain schools who seem to not really care much for the students, telling the students that they do not have what it takes to become something, like a few that told me in my past.... )

Thursday, 17 April 2014


Some people do not wish to stand up because they believe there are enough people standing up against it, companies, life coaches, and doctors. Some people feel as though they do not have enough time, or do not wish to step in because " they done with school problems". Some people feel as though there are already enough things out there, but yet people are falling into depression, being abused, isolated, suffering, and feeling as though they are nothing in this world, losing themselves, lost their interest in what they wish to be in life, and only focuses on proving that they are not " stupid ". Some people do not truly understand the real issues, what is at stake, WHAT MUST BE CHANGED!

There is so many focus on letting people know of the problem ( " aware " ) , movies, videos, assemblies, and so on, but yet you hear little to no stories about people really taking a real strong stand against bullying. Giving the students something that will truly build not only their leadership skills, not only their interpersonal skills, but to build their life, to heal their soul, their heart, their mind, and have them see that they can overcome, stand against, and become something big in this world. If everyone knows about this problem, and know that there needs to be change, WHEN ARE SCHOOLS REALLY GOING TO TAKE A STAND!

There must be something that will truly create a more safe environment for students, and at the same time, give them the opportunity to become leaders, to become something bigger than what people, and maybe even they thought they could be, TO BECOME LEADERS OF LIFE. How is this going to happen, how will we give those who are suffering the opportunity to truly stand up against their bullies, there must be someone who is focused, who has all the time to create such a change, someone who has a passion, the desire, who understands how bad bullying, depression, and isolation can be and how it really feels, a person that students that relate to, someone who gives his life for those in need, someone who does not desire praise, but simply a safer, and better future for all. Someone who soul purpose in life is CHANGE!

I have always believed in my heart that I have what it takes to become CHANGE, in the past I was so depressed, trapped in my cursed thoughts of isolation, depression, bullying. I have went through so much that i went from simply being scared to talking to anyone, to thinking that I was just shy, to ABSOLUTE SILENCE during my school life, have overcame all of that, have reached out to so many people online, have spoke out against bullying online any way I can, have life coaches and doctors tell me that I have what it takes to become something big and a leader in this world. I was not ready in the past because I was so focused on wanting one person who I can adore, love, and everything ( meaning a relationship ), believed i needed the love and support of someone else, that THAT was my desire in life, thought that i should be a computer person ( graduated from college in computers ) to prove people that I am not stupid, but that piece in me, the leader, the side that knows that I can be so much more has been building for such a long time, now it is me.

It is who I am, it is what I believe I was meant to be, it is who i am, i have always proved people wrong, so if you don't believe I am, JUST WATCH! I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG AND CREATE THE CHANGE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WISHING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME! I WILL BE CHANGE! I AM CHANGE!

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

"He's Got The Whole World... In His Hands..." ( an "opinion" article )

This article is about those who seem to be overly attached to their idols as " gods ", to the point that they just lose sight on what they are really doing, an opinion article:

Some people grab hold of their idols a little too strongly that they lose sight on reality, that they get so attached that they start to push certain people away for not following their idols. I am not saying that having an idol is bad, that following people is bad, or anything around those lines, but being way overly attached that you lose yourself to them to the point that it takes over you. The more people overly attach themselves to "them", the more they lose sight on themselves, the more they lose focus of whats really around them, and only choose what follows their little fantasy, doing whatever it takes to turn people into what their idols are, or turning people into something that they can not be, by any means necessary. Not sure what I am talking about, or think that I am just a little messed up about this, let me say one thing before explaining, if we all have something special to give to the world, our own passions and desires in this world, why try to live someone else's life?

Learning from others, seeing how others are to build yourself, changing your life for the better by listening to the advise of your idols, building you up by listening and watching your idols is great, let them help you become who you are, and what you want to become ( not WHO you want to become, but WHAT ). If you choose to try to become exactly what your idols are, you may lose your mind to who you are, and what you want to become, and become what they want you to do and what they want you to become. You may become " them ", then what will you do? Try to answer that question if you are so focused on becoming someone, are you going to continue to be them, to follow every single step that they take for the rest of your life, never thinking of what you YOURSELF can do or become? Are you really going to continue to push people away because they do not share your thought about someone, or even make fun or look down at those who do not follow your idol. Are you going to continue to treat your so called idol as a " god " to worship and praise and to follow till the day you pass? NO ONE IS A GOD, we were made, created by god, so how could these other people be worth so much? Do they seem to sacrifice so much for others and you see that as a sign that they are a god for just being them? They should be praised for their sacrifices, they should motivate us to become something special in whatever we choose to do. It should give us the courage, the mindset, the feeling that we can become something more, not become them, but become YOU. Sharing your thoughts and opinions and believes with people is all well and good, great even, everyone is free to believe what they wish, everyone is free to feel the way they do about certain things and people, but never let those feelings, those thoughts make you lose sight on whats around you, never make them harm those around you in any way. Follow, Learn, Build, and always have an open mind, a free spirit, an open heart, that does not bend to one man, or one person. We all have something special, so why become anyone else?

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Change Is NOT Easy....

( the thoughts that have been going through today )

Some people say that changing one's self is simple, almost like saying " if that's all it takes to change things, everything would be great ". Some people think that its just that easy to change yourself, turn your focus away, to turn your feelings from one to another, especially when you spend such a long time for one, and believe and want to make a difference change for more. To them I say " go ahead, show me that its that easy! ". Just try to turn your feelings, your thoughts, turn yourself around from the inside. Just try to take away years of close relationships, turning the need for one to the need of others. Just try to hide your heart to make that change that you think you can make. Just try to give up something that was such a big part of you, something that you just needed more than anything, to do something for many others. Try to make a change and sacrifice so much of yourself for the benefits of others. Just try to put things that used to mean so so much to you, something that has brought such happiness to you, to do something for others. Just try to change your desires, your feelings, your thoughts, just try... its not easy.... nothing ever is. Sometimes you want to change yourself for one, sometimes you want to change for others, sometimes you do one, and really wish to turn back.... sometimes you just wish you did not do something you done, sometimes you just wish you could just have everything, sometimes you just have to change yourself to overcome changes in your life. Life may bring up a lot of emotions and feelings, the choices you make will make you feel different ways, both good and bad, every choice has a good and a bad side to them. You may let down a lot of people, you may let down just one, at the end, its what matters the most to you, what you want to be looked at as, your loyalty for one, or the loyalty for many..... at the end, that is the choice that people make, the love for one, or the love for more... choose carefully, look at what matters to you the most, and once you choose... just try not to look back... just try to change...

Sunday, 13 April 2014


2 songs made me write this post:


I was really hurt this week, but it has brought out a piece of me that has been building for a really long time, for years, ever since high school or even before, has been building more and more to the point that it has overwhelmed me, and now I know what I must do, know what I have to do. I was meant to create change, to BE CHANGE. To show everyone who feels like they can never achieve, that they have what it takes to become much more than they ever thought they could. To show people that feel trapped, isolated, gone, that they can break thought and change things and make their mark. To do more than " aware " or " show " people what they can do, but to actually do even more than what even " they " tell you you can do. I will make something to show that everyone has what it takes to be masters, leaders, to become more than themselves.

WE FEAR NOT OUR MORTALITY, ( we fear nothing )

WE WILL SERVE TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY, ( work hard to create change )

WE GIVE OUR LIVES TO OUR MASTERS ( we give our lives to the cause )

WE VOW TO SMITE OUR ENEMIES ( work and prove the haters wrong till the very end )


Friday, 11 April 2014

Time To Step Up

As my last post said, I have been had a pretty hurtful week,lets just say that someone who I was fully loyal to and loved and supported and everything, " turned their back " on me. I am very happy to have met her and had that bond with her, as well as my past relationships in the past, they are all loving memories that I will never forget, as well as they have made me into a better person. I do not regret any of my past relationships, because they made me see that one, some people really do love the person that I am, since i suffered though depression for so long, and thought I would never have that kind of connection with anyone, and was blessed to have such connections with people.

I have always had something in me to reach out and really make a change ever since I was in high school, however, at that time, I was too depressed, could not get myself to do anything because my mind set at that time was pretty much broken, and just wanted to fit in at the schools I was at ( elementary school, high school, and college ). I felt as though no one at my schools would ever give me a chance, or anything for that matter. All I wanted to do in the past was to show everyone that I was not stupid or dumb or anything like that, that I was something that people can look to or anything, and chose to graduate in computers in order to surprise those who told me that I would not even be able to go to a " good " high school. However, I have always been helping people online with issues they were having since I started going online and getting so much positive replies and so on from people, making online friends as well as relationships, sure I did have some hard times online as well, but had much more of a positive one. I have always had an inner desire to make change, to make things better for as many people as possible, but I thought it was a fantasy, that it was just like how all those other anti bullying, anti depression companies are trying to accomplish with their ( awareness ), so I put my heart and mind on making those who I have had a bond with to have someone who was all theirs ( if you get what I mean ).

Now, that inner feeling in me has become me, I see that I can really make a difference, getting a school board to listen to me, having life coaches and various doctors and people say that I have what it takes to become a leader, it has shown me that what I thought in the past, that someone can truly make a big difference, that it was NOT a fantasy. As much as I wish to have someone by my side, someone who supports and loves me, I see myself becoming something big, and helping so many people, and I want to make it happen for everyone, even for you ( the person reading this ). I also want to be able to fully trust that someone will not turn their back on me, it hurts and makes me feel as though all my effort to make it work ( and trust me I do put a lot of effort ), that its not good enough. I never want to feel that way. Till I achieve my dream, my goal, reach where I know I can be, I may reconsider it...


Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Fully Committed To Change!

I have had a pretty rough day yesterday, and still feeling the effects today. I felt like deep inside there was a piece of me breaking apart and gone. I was really hurt and broken, but that moment gave me a different view. A new path, a path that I believe I need to take, that it was what I was supposed to be. A path that I truly believe and feel is the path that I was MEANT to take.

I once posted on my google + page:

"my choices in life seems to go from bright and loving and amazing, and then its taken away like something is playing with me, stupid weird things may happen, but when it comes to helping people, i will fight the curse i have to give others a better future ...."

I now feel that those moments of my life were leading to this moment, this moment that defines my future, and my future is to put all of my effort to make things BETTER. To reach out and help people, to become CHANGE.

I have had some great times with people who were close to me, but all of them ended in a pretty bad way, in ways that I never understood. No matter how much I would do to show my loyalty to them, it would crash, but my need to help people has only gotten stronger and stronger with time.

Now, my mind is only focused on creating a great change in the world, there is nothing else I want more but to make this world better. I have always believed I can, I have always had that spot in me that wanted to make things better in a big way, and now I am fully committed to do so, nothing, and no one, is going to stop me.  THIS is what I was meant to be, meant to do, its who I am, and I will make it, no exceptions.

Monday, 7 April 2014

Take A Stand! NEVER GIVE UP!

I got the idea to write this article from a video:

In life, there are people who always hold certain people down, people who they say don't have enough, don't have " it ", are not the right fit. They say that you are a joke, with your effort to achieve "the impossible". There will always be those who will continue to look down at you, they will never be able to see who you truly are, unless you break through. Make your mark, show the world what you have to offer, Make a stand, keep your mind and heart and soul focused on what you want to achieve, believe that it belongs to you, that you have earned it, that it is YOURS. 

I have always believed, and continue to feel and believe and know that I can do something really great. I have been through so much, I have overcame and became what people thought I would never be, but I feel and know that I can continue to do so much more. I may have achieved and graduated from a course that people say is really tough ( programming ), but what I believe, what I really want to give the world, what I want to be is someone who really makes a stand, an impact in the world, TO CREATE CHANGE!

They may keep saying you will never make it, you are wasting your time, that you are a joke for trying....


Saturday, 5 April 2014

What Are They Talking Bout? ( poem )

They say that you have no heart, yet all around you happiness

You continue to give, and yet they say your hopeless

They say your slow, even though you done so much

They say you don't know what you doing, things they never touched

They say you are a loser, yet they have no proof

They say you can never be, yet you continue to improve

They say your a loner, yet you have more friends

They say you not smart, even though they pretend ( cheat )

They run their mouth, yet they don't say a lot,

They want to talk, what they talking bout?

They say you never would, but yet you are now,

You have overcame, now go show them how ( its done )

Your Voice Matters

This article is for those who feel as though they not able to speak out in any way, weather it is feelings for something, thoughts that you just can't seem to get out, or that they feel as though if they do try to speak out, they may get other a negative response, or no response what so ever.

People have voices, we all feel, think, want and need things, but may never have the ability to speak up about it. Some people can not speak out because of their past experiences, or feel as though they do not have the time to find that right moment to say what needs to be said. Some may feel as though if they say something, that it would be pointless because so many others are already saying it.

Speaking out about anything may have some negative outcomes, but if you do not speak out, no one will ever know who you are, or think that you are just like everyone else. In order to make a mark, make change, in order to see things change in any way, no matter what it is, you will need to take a stand and speak out and make your voice be heard to the people who you are trying to reach out, weather that is to a certain person, or a group of people, or as many people as possible.

Change comes from one who voices their opinion, their thoughts, their feelings, what matters to them. It can be really tough to stand and speak out. You need to look inside yourself, see how you are feeling and why you are feeling it, or thinking. If you think that it is what you really want to speak out, that you need to do it, that you feel as though it really needs to be said in order to create change in a certain way, you need to see, feel, and know ( think ) that it is who you are, what needs to be said, what needs to happen in order to create that change. Convince yourself that you must say it, because if you do not, then you may lose your opportunity to get something, to create the change, to give people hope in some way, no matter what it is.

Every voice matters, your voice, your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings matters. No matter what people say or think, you matter. Some may not like what you have to say, but there will always be those who will see who you are and want to hear more from you, want to be by your side, or even want to be with you. Your voice matters, no matter what some people may say, make your voice heard and make your mark.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Nothing you do is " Wrong "

There is nothing that you do that is wrong, there are only choices with unexpected outcomes. Some people may come out with rules, a way of living, and telling others that you should follow them or that you are " wrong " for not doing so. Having a certain way of living is all well and good, but you should never try to make, or force others live the way that you do. Everyone is different, different feelings, thoughts, emotions, people react to things differently. If you try to change any of those by force, you are pretty much abusing them in a way, making them change themselves to follow your way of living. Every choice has consequences, people may not like what you do, the way you look, how you act, and so on, but there will always be those who do, who like and want to follow your example. Life is all about being free to do, choose, and be the way you wish to be, to understand who you are, what you want to become, what matters the most to you. Do not let others tell you what you doing is wrong. Make your life the way you want it to be, make your own way of living, not what others want from you. Never let others control you, always live free.

Someone Will Understand

In life, there will always be those people who seem to just ignore everything you do or say. They may seem to just want to push you away, not taking the time to understand who you are, or not caring about who you are. Some people will think of you as a no body even if they do not take the time to understand who you are. People can be pretty selfish, even if they say that they aren't. Some people may understand who you are, but yet think that what you doing is " wrong ", and thus, ignore you. Some people can be pretty selfish, and focus on their own circle of people so much that they lose interest in others, but there are always those who do truly understand, who have been through that, who understands how its like, and also, someone who likes what you are and what you do. There will always be those who will see you for who you are, and want to get to know you more. It may seem like no one cares, no one seems to want to get to know you, just taking what they wish from you and move on with their life, but there will always be those few who truly cares, understands, and maybe even needs you to be around because they see something in you, or they really like the type of person you are, or what you do, or built feelings for you. There are some people who may never care or understand you, but there will always be those who do. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!