Saturday, 13 December 2014

Losing Yourself

Pain can cause one to lose themselves, can cause one to push too much away, to completely push their past away to the point that even when they have been harmed recently, they push it away fast and still choose to stay with the abuser just because you feel for them, that you feel sorry and care for them, even when they have abused you time and time again. Maybe your lost your mind because you have never once considered to think for yourself, and what truly matters to you, you just simply choose what others say just because its easier, but life isn't easy, life is about standing up and getting all that matters most to you, and understanding yourself. Choosing to always take the easy ways out, but yet wondering why you are losing so much, because you have never once thought of what matters most to you, and thus you are stuck in a loop where you keep giving up constantly, never once thinking why is this happening, never once trying to make things work, and yet you call those who choose to stay with you as sick, when really they are being so loyal, and you are the one walking out.

You must be able to take time to think of yourself, others will always tell you what to do or what to say, but its up to you, what matters to you, what you know deep down whats right and whats wrong, cause if you don't, you will continue to lose everything, and the more you lose, the more you drown in your sorrow and fall into depression, a deep deep depression that you may never get out of, because you will not be able to accept that. There will be a time where you have to put those feelings of love aside to see the reality, to see that you may be in a really unhealthy relationship, People have what it takes to come out of that depression and really see themselves, some are so self centered that they think they are ok when they really not. If you always look for the easy way out of things, you will fall and drown into a really really deep pit of depression, and maybe not even notice it until way later in life. 

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Professional or Personal?

Everyone has a professional, and a personal life. Some may focus more on one than the other, some learn to combine both together, and some choose to step into something and adapt to any changes that come out of it. Weather it is for personal, or professional reasons, it is your choice. You must be ready and accept the consequences that follow from that choice. If you want to focus more on your personal life, such as your partner, you must be ready to adapt, and do whatever is needed to have it. If you care about becoming what you wish to become professionally, then you must learn to let go of those that slow you down. There is not one path in this world, those who say there is only one way are blind to the other paths. They may be blind based on their moments in life, what they faces and what they believe to be real. In the end, it's your life, make it work your way, and be ready to handle all that comes out of it.

Be Yourself

Moments, people, and things in our lives can change people in so many ways. Being around someone can turn a part of you into them, meaning they rub off on you and you start to lose who you once were, and may not even realize it. Some people lose sight on what they are or who they are because of certain things in their life. They may be too busy to really think about it, they may not even care, or lost the reason to care about themselves. I have seen people, and also been with people like that, who I was close with, then in time, things changed. You have to have time to truly know yourself, take time to think, to know if who you are now is really what or who you want to be. You must look in yourself and see your true self and accept your true self, never try to be something your not or it will cause a ton of stress and pressure in the future. You may start losing things, and people and wonder why they left you, was it cause they don't care, or is it because you have changed without seeing it. Never let anything or anyone change who you are, don't let others try to change you. Always know, understand, accept, and be yourself.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

love...

love has no eyes to see, love has no texture to feel, love has no sound or voice, love has no path to choose, love just is... a feeling, needing, the feeling you get when you hear a name that fills you with pure happiness, the feeling you get that makes you think that your life is finally complete, the feeling of being speechless just by hearing 3 little words, a smile on your face because of just the thought, some may use the word obsession, some may use the words " too in love ", but how can one be too in love, how can one be too happy, how can one feel too complete, how can one feel too free and open, if one tells you these words, they do not understand how it is to truly be happy, they do not understand, and thus they do not know what pure love is, and they may never understand.... and they may have never known you or felt the way that you do for them... never assume things, but analyse things, take time to think about whats around you, whats really happening, what really is... love can never be seen, but can be felt, and only you can know if its real... know your feelings, know if you really love strongly for one, if they do not see it, they are blind, and all you can do is try and try, if they think you are obsessed, they have never had such a love that you give, you are in love with them and they never expected someone to love them that much, they may think to less about themselves, for not believing that someone can love them so much, all you can do ... is try ...

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Love and Relationships Are 2 Different Things

You hear stories about couples who love each other so much, who love each other so much, and that nothing can ever go wrong because they love everything about each other and can not get enough of each other, but then just a few years later, you hear that they have had a couple of fights, and have broke up. How can that happen? 

Some guys say that girls have so many problems, that they are not loyal anymore, some girls say that guys are just greedy, wanting just one thing and not caring about their feelings anymore. Its true, sadly, that we live with these type of people in the world, however, not every guy, or girl is like that. Some situations happen that causes one to rethink about their partner, mostly the main issue that causes all these problems is all about one word, COMMUNICATION! 

To make a relationship work, both partners must take their time to understand the needs and wants from others, what each other needs in the relationship in order to make the relationship last long. Once you know and also understand about the needs of each other, knowing and understanding what and why they need it, you must take the time to think of if it is something that you can give. Think of these 3 things when they tell you what they need: is it something that will harm you? is it something that you can do ( and maybe even love to do), and is it something that you can live with ( that you can do it for life with no worries ). Make sure you are not stepping into a relationship where you know you will never be able to live with for the rest of your life.

Knowing, Understanding, and Accepting the needs of each other's needs are the keys to a long lasting relationship. You may love each other so much and may really want more for each other, but are you ready to handle the needs of your partner? 

Monday, 26 May 2014

Out Of Place...

I had a talk with someone a few days ago, talking about personal stuff about my past and what I been through, and they mentioned something to me that I am starting to kind of see more and more of here where I am, 3 words, OUT OF PLACE. I have had this thought back when I was depressed, and now that I out of it, I still feel as though I am, OUT OF PLACE. Always being pushed aside for others, always being left out of things, always the one alone. I remember one time in elementary where I was the doorman pretty much, letting people on stage, never really given the chance to do something, but always looked at as something less. When I try to push out of that and make a difference where I am, I am seen as nothing and not good enough, but yet from a lot of people I meet online, I seem to gain a lot more support from people in other places than the place I have lived in for years. Why is that, maybe because I am OUT OF PLACE. I can go on and on about this trust me, there some more deeper personal things I could mention about this that would really show that I may in fact be OUT OF PLACE. I can simply go on any online chat site and make a ton of friends and supporters and so on, but where I am, not likely, why, OUT OF PLACE. You know how it feels to be asked where, or how someone else is, and never about how you are or them wishing to know who you are, pretty much putting you aside, EVERY SINGLE TIME? No point going any place where the only response I would get is never about me, like at all.  They say I am losing it, I have people online who consider me as their son, brother, and in the past, the bf they never had or thought they would never have, but people here, a no body pretty much, why, OUT OF PLACE. This still happens to this very day, but guess its just something I have to deal with here right?....

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Something I Have Tried To Keep Secret... A Sacrifice....

As mentioned on my Google+, I would share a little something that I have been kind of hiding, something that I feel as though I need to share. 

In my life story, I mentioned someone who seemed to like me during elementary and left me during high school. To be honest I still feel as though she has, but the thing is, there was not really anything there, well that is how I see it looking back.Its true that I have had really strong feelings for her, and she was on my mind for almost 6 years, elementary and till the start of college. It is really hard to explain, mostly because I wish not to give out any details.

After high school, when I had really bad thoughts about the school, the one thing that was still on my mind, was her. I knew that there was nothing, but yet I could not stop thinking about it. I felt as though at that time, I had no choice but to make her hate me, in order to picture her as one of them, and to keep it that way. I could not stop wanting something that was clearly never there, no matter how much at that time that I wish it could. I had no choice, but to let go, it was too hard to let go, that the only way I knew to at that time, was to get her to tell me something that would make her hate me, and me hate her.... and I did. I was kind of surprised that she did believe that what I said, but I guess she believed that they ( others ) were right, or cause I seemed pretty depressed, as I was obviously, I don't blame her. I have had so much done to me in my life that anything could have happened to me. 

It was a sacrifice, something that while I was looking back and listened to a few songs from my past ( the post before this one ), I see that it was like it was meant to happen, for me to become who I am now. If I could say just 2 words to her, it would be... thank you. 

This is the song that got me to think about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEPWMMNqqzc

Friday, 16 May 2014

My Dark Past, Told By Songs From My Past....

I have taken the time to look up a few songs I used to keep to myself, continually listen to during my dark, depressing past, and now I wish to share them with you. A WARNING, some of these songs are REALLY DARK and DEPRESSING!! you have been warned....


First song: Draconian: the solitude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VJfBjOf-8Q
I remember listening to this when my depression truly taken over, during college, keeping to myself, keeping my personal life, my social life to online friends, and keeping the fun talkative side of me to myself, and online, never really being close to anyone in the " real world "

Next: Moonspell: Night Eternal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGwWH7eqpwA
Another song that I have listened during my college years, truly feeling the " darkness " in me, and doing what I can to keep it so, you have no clue how i used to feel and think, DARKNESS! DARK THOUGHTS!.... was really something.....

Cradle of Filth - Her Ghost in the Fog : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49ZJqqrr6jk
I used to listen to things like this a lot, used to keep myself truly isolated from others by any means. Would make myself hate those who have stabbed me in the back, even if I liked them, any way to keep everyone around me away, only focusing to my online friends, lost my true self, and truly believed I was fully darkened, and no one would ever see who I am.

Hammerfall: Never Ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ThArDEFA4c

Diary of Dreams: The Curse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk1q91sxWUY

Diary of Dreams: The Wedding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HpBoxYp42g

I have always kept all the pain in me to myself, never truly getting it out, did not want to make anyone else lives worse as mine was, I cared about people even if I was in such pain... AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO AND WILL PROVE PEOPLE WRONG AND WILL BRING ABOUT A POSITIVE CHANGE! ...

Diary of Dreams: King of Nowhere: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEPWMMNqqzc


Sunday, 4 May 2014

A LETTER OF SUPPORT!

A letter that I have written to various places, thought I would also share it with you:

Hi,

My name is Shahid Munawar, and I am here to ask for some help / support with an anti bullying idea.

First off, I have contacted the TDSB about this, an anti-bullying proposal, and they told me that they were happy with it and will be contacting me in a few weeks. I do not plan on waiting to make an impact, a statement. That’s where you come in, the reason I contacting you. I have also contacted a few organizations and may be supporting me with this.

My goal is to give students who suffer from bullying, and depression an opportunity to show that are something, that they have something special in them. Everyone has something special in them to become anything that they wish to become, and should never be forced or lose sight of that. There must be something in place that will control and monitor bullying to the point that any issues can be stopped before it gets worse.

My dream is to create a spot in the board, focused on bullying issues. There must be people who focused on making a change when it comes to bullying, and I wish to create that spot.

Your probably thinking “what does this have to do with me?”, well I wish to know what you can do to help me with this change I working on.

If you wish to know more, or to support me in this in any way, please contact me.

A little about me, I have overcome so much in my life. I was so depressed in the past to the point that doctors thought I was just born shy, but later in life, after graduating from college, my depression really kicked in. I overcame that, and have reached out online, helping people for about 6 years, but now I want to do much more. I have always believed I could do something big, have even been told that from a life coach, and a few doctors, I know I was meant to make change, and I will make change. Have always proved the doubters wrong, and will continue to do so, and will stay committed in creating change for as many people as possible.

The life coach’s website: http://giantstepscoaching.com/contact/

Thank you for your time, and hope to hear from you soon.
Best Wishes,  Shahid Munawar

Saturday, 3 May 2014

Some Schools....

Schools say that they work on trying to create change in the schools, with awareness, with action. However, we also see some teachers, principals, and other staff of these schools pretending to help, but yet making things worse. Not sure what I am talking about, read below:

In my life, back in elementary school in grade 4, I was put into one of those help classes, where they help you with your studying and homework and so on. Everything seemed ok, until the teachers there told my parents and me that I do not have what it takes to reach a proper high school. You would think that the principals and other staff there would help, instead, they other did nothing, or supported the teachers, just because they knew they were "helping" other students, when really, all they were doing was keeping other students down, probably so that their jobs would be easier, or for some other reason. I ended up proving them wrong when me and my parents convinced them to put me in regular classes with no help from them, and almost getting all As. This is a really serious problem, why would teachers, who's job is to help, educate, and to build students up and teach them how to succeed, not to simply give up on them, saying they do not have what it takes.

Some schools pretend to support anti bullying, but yet you do not see any sort of change in those schools. You may hear them talk about how students should stop bullying, but yet the teachers, and sometimes even some staff, are bullying their students. Some staff, who say they were told to work with students to end bullying, seem to ignore any helpful advice, or support from others, almost as if they do not really care about the position they are in, and almost as if they don't care about the students, but only do it because its their job. This really needs to change, there should be something in place, maybe once a month, where the teachers, and staff of the school get tested, to see if they are focused on the students, or themselves.

Some schools do not seem to care about their students, but try to mask the truth from the outside world with little things, but yet, never truly caring or seeing what is really happening in their schools. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE!

Friday, 25 April 2014

Take Time To Really Know Yourself!

I have been so focused on change since way back in high school, I was so depressed in the past, so much that all I wanted in the past was just people to be with, to have that close connection with, and it became a pretty big addiction, I thought I was doing what I wanted to do, but really I was so focused on my pain without knowing it, that I just wanted to live FOR someone, never cared about what I wanted to be, went into computers cause I wanted to prove that I was not stupid, what I cared was wanting that bond with someone, became such an addiction, but the moment, a few weeks ago, that .... she left ... I really had no one and nothing to really hang on to but myself, and that short little time thinking of me, i realized what was going on, I was sick, but now I'm free.

Sometimes, you may feel that you are out of depression, that you are out of an addictive way of life, but then you see that you just fell into another. Sometimes, you may feel like you are all about having a bond with someone, but then later you see the true self, your true self, Something that makes you feel so different, something that you really do not understand, or may think you do not understand, but then realize that it was always who you were, and who you were supposed to be. I went from stuttering, and worrying about getting a job in the field I graduated, to expressing, and talking about how passionate I am for CHANGE! I never thought I was worried, but was shy, and thought I had problems getting things out. Once I really saw who I was, am, and will be, it became so much easier.

You may never know who you are until you are put into a position where you have nothing and no one around you and have no choice but to think of yourself.

NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! :)

Thursday, 24 April 2014

I AM, I BELIEVE, I WILL BRING CHANGE!

My Dream is to create change, to make such a big impact, to take action and replace all this " awareness " with " action ", to truly end bullying, so committed that i have reached out to a school board, have contacted 2 organizations in only 2 days, have contacted 2 schools, have build so much support in what I am doing in such a short time, and continue to do so, everyone has something special to give back, everyone has a voice, anyone can create change, some may wish to become something else, or feel as though they have to be something else, or that its too hard or too much work, but THIS IS WHO I AM! always have been, always will be, I WILL MAKE THE DREAM COME TRUE!

My past is now gone, can not look back, don't want to look back, time to move forward to make the dream that EVERYONE has been wanting and wishing for, to make it A REALITY! I will continue to make at least one impact each and every day, contact at least one place every day, to make a difference every single day, TO CREATE CHANGE!

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Are You Tired....

Are you tired of people looking down at you, making you feel as though you are less than what you know deep down you are and what you deserve to be. Are you tired of schools seem to let things stay the same, saying they believe in change, but yet nothing ever happens, just the same old things, telling students and parents that this stuff are happening, and seem to want us to do their work. They seem to only want to " do their jobs", but isn't their job to keep students safe, educated, and to be the best that they can be at whatever they choose to achieve? Are they really doing their job? Schools need to truly listen, and not just listen, do what they do with our kids, LEARN, TAKE ACTION, MAKE A CHANGE. If they continue to ignore, to continue on to take action and do something, then the change that we have been wishing for, for so long, may never come.

I hear stories of parents taking actions to their kid's actions, taking actions into their own hands to stop kids from bullying. However, some are taking it to extremes that are doing more harm than good, embarrassing them by having them tell the world that they are a bully, making their own kids be looked at as someone so horrible. Sure, some may say that if they have done some horrific things, that they should be punished, and I understand that, but you can not punish someone who made " mistakes " that were not so big in the first place to such extremes, because then who is the real bully in that picture?

If nothing is changed, if this continues to go on, there will be no change. Are you tired of seeing nothing done to bring about a better future for people, to have the students who suffer from depression, and bullying to be able to see that they have something special to give, something special in them to become anything that they wish to become, to become leaders in life, to become more than they ever thought they could, or more than anyone ever thought of them, to become change. Are you tired of the lack of effort that is being put into bringing about that change by these schools... or worse!? .... ( worse meaning teachers in certain schools who seem to not really care much for the students, telling the students that they do not have what it takes to become something, like a few that told me in my past.... )

Thursday, 17 April 2014

YOU ARE LOOKING AT CHANGE!

Some people do not wish to stand up because they believe there are enough people standing up against it, companies, life coaches, and doctors. Some people feel as though they do not have enough time, or do not wish to step in because " they done with school problems". Some people feel as though there are already enough things out there, but yet people are falling into depression, being abused, isolated, suffering, and feeling as though they are nothing in this world, losing themselves, lost their interest in what they wish to be in life, and only focuses on proving that they are not " stupid ". Some people do not truly understand the real issues, what is at stake, WHAT MUST BE CHANGED!

There is so many focus on letting people know of the problem ( " aware " ) , movies, videos, assemblies, and so on, but yet you hear little to no stories about people really taking a real strong stand against bullying. Giving the students something that will truly build not only their leadership skills, not only their interpersonal skills, but to build their life, to heal their soul, their heart, their mind, and have them see that they can overcome, stand against, and become something big in this world. If everyone knows about this problem, and know that there needs to be change, WHEN ARE SCHOOLS REALLY GOING TO TAKE A STAND!

There must be something that will truly create a more safe environment for students, and at the same time, give them the opportunity to become leaders, to become something bigger than what people, and maybe even they thought they could be, TO BECOME LEADERS OF LIFE. How is this going to happen, how will we give those who are suffering the opportunity to truly stand up against their bullies, there must be someone who is focused, who has all the time to create such a change, someone who has a passion, the desire, who understands how bad bullying, depression, and isolation can be and how it really feels, a person that students that relate to, someone who gives his life for those in need, someone who does not desire praise, but simply a safer, and better future for all. Someone who soul purpose in life is CHANGE!

I have always believed in my heart that I have what it takes to become CHANGE, in the past I was so depressed, trapped in my cursed thoughts of isolation, depression, bullying. I have went through so much that i went from simply being scared to talking to anyone, to thinking that I was just shy, to ABSOLUTE SILENCE during my school life, have overcame all of that, have reached out to so many people online, have spoke out against bullying online any way I can, have life coaches and doctors tell me that I have what it takes to become something big and a leader in this world. I was not ready in the past because I was so focused on wanting one person who I can adore, love, and everything ( meaning a relationship ), believed i needed the love and support of someone else, that THAT was my desire in life, thought that i should be a computer person ( graduated from college in computers ) to prove people that I am not stupid, but that piece in me, the leader, the side that knows that I can be so much more has been building for such a long time, now it is me.

It is who I am, it is what I believe I was meant to be, it is who i am, i have always proved people wrong, so if you don't believe I am, JUST WATCH! I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG AND CREATE THE CHANGE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WISHING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME! I WILL BE CHANGE! I AM CHANGE!

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

"He's Got The Whole World... In His Hands..." ( an "opinion" article )

This article is about those who seem to be overly attached to their idols as " gods ", to the point that they just lose sight on what they are really doing, an opinion article:

Some people grab hold of their idols a little too strongly that they lose sight on reality, that they get so attached that they start to push certain people away for not following their idols. I am not saying that having an idol is bad, that following people is bad, or anything around those lines, but being way overly attached that you lose yourself to them to the point that it takes over you. The more people overly attach themselves to "them", the more they lose sight on themselves, the more they lose focus of whats really around them, and only choose what follows their little fantasy, doing whatever it takes to turn people into what their idols are, or turning people into something that they can not be, by any means necessary. Not sure what I am talking about, or think that I am just a little messed up about this, let me say one thing before explaining, if we all have something special to give to the world, our own passions and desires in this world, why try to live someone else's life?

Learning from others, seeing how others are to build yourself, changing your life for the better by listening to the advise of your idols, building you up by listening and watching your idols is great, let them help you become who you are, and what you want to become ( not WHO you want to become, but WHAT ). If you choose to try to become exactly what your idols are, you may lose your mind to who you are, and what you want to become, and become what they want you to do and what they want you to become. You may become " them ", then what will you do? Try to answer that question if you are so focused on becoming someone, are you going to continue to be them, to follow every single step that they take for the rest of your life, never thinking of what you YOURSELF can do or become? Are you really going to continue to push people away because they do not share your thought about someone, or even make fun or look down at those who do not follow your idol. Are you going to continue to treat your so called idol as a " god " to worship and praise and to follow till the day you pass? NO ONE IS A GOD, we were made, created by god, so how could these other people be worth so much? Do they seem to sacrifice so much for others and you see that as a sign that they are a god for just being them? They should be praised for their sacrifices, they should motivate us to become something special in whatever we choose to do. It should give us the courage, the mindset, the feeling that we can become something more, not become them, but become YOU. Sharing your thoughts and opinions and believes with people is all well and good, great even, everyone is free to believe what they wish, everyone is free to feel the way they do about certain things and people, but never let those feelings, those thoughts make you lose sight on whats around you, never make them harm those around you in any way. Follow, Learn, Build, and always have an open mind, a free spirit, an open heart, that does not bend to one man, or one person. We all have something special, so why become anyone else?

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Change Is NOT Easy....

( the thoughts that have been going through today )

Some people say that changing one's self is simple, almost like saying " if that's all it takes to change things, everything would be great ". Some people think that its just that easy to change yourself, turn your focus away, to turn your feelings from one to another, especially when you spend such a long time for one, and believe and want to make a difference change for more. To them I say " go ahead, show me that its that easy! ". Just try to turn your feelings, your thoughts, turn yourself around from the inside. Just try to take away years of close relationships, turning the need for one to the need of others. Just try to hide your heart to make that change that you think you can make. Just try to give up something that was such a big part of you, something that you just needed more than anything, to do something for many others. Try to make a change and sacrifice so much of yourself for the benefits of others. Just try to put things that used to mean so so much to you, something that has brought such happiness to you, to do something for others. Just try to change your desires, your feelings, your thoughts, just try... its not easy.... nothing ever is. Sometimes you want to change yourself for one, sometimes you want to change for others, sometimes you do one, and really wish to turn back.... sometimes you just wish you did not do something you done, sometimes you just wish you could just have everything, sometimes you just have to change yourself to overcome changes in your life. Life may bring up a lot of emotions and feelings, the choices you make will make you feel different ways, both good and bad, every choice has a good and a bad side to them. You may let down a lot of people, you may let down just one, at the end, its what matters the most to you, what you want to be looked at as, your loyalty for one, or the loyalty for many..... at the end, that is the choice that people make, the love for one, or the love for more... choose carefully, look at what matters to you the most, and once you choose... just try not to look back... just try to change...

Sunday, 13 April 2014

THIS IS THE BEGINNING.....

2 songs made me write this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3CQfvfv1sI

                                                 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CgopgfcG00

I was really hurt this week, but it has brought out a piece of me that has been building for a really long time, for years, ever since high school or even before, has been building more and more to the point that it has overwhelmed me, and now I know what I must do, know what I have to do. I was meant to create change, to BE CHANGE. To show everyone who feels like they can never achieve, that they have what it takes to become much more than they ever thought they could. To show people that feel trapped, isolated, gone, that they can break thought and change things and make their mark. To do more than " aware " or " show " people what they can do, but to actually do even more than what even " they " tell you you can do. I will make something to show that everyone has what it takes to be masters, leaders, to become more than themselves.


WE FEAR NOT OUR MORTALITY, ( we fear nothing )

WE WILL SERVE TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY, ( work hard to create change )

WE GIVE OUR LIVES TO OUR MASTERS ( we give our lives to the cause )

WE VOW TO SMITE OUR ENEMIES ( work and prove the haters wrong till the very end )

THIS IS THE BEGINNING.... ITS ALL STARTING NOW! ( its time.... )

Friday, 11 April 2014

Time To Step Up

As my last post said, I have been had a pretty hurtful week,lets just say that someone who I was fully loyal to and loved and supported and everything, " turned their back " on me. I am very happy to have met her and had that bond with her, as well as my past relationships in the past, they are all loving memories that I will never forget, as well as they have made me into a better person. I do not regret any of my past relationships, because they made me see that one, some people really do love the person that I am, since i suffered though depression for so long, and thought I would never have that kind of connection with anyone, and was blessed to have such connections with people.

I have always had something in me to reach out and really make a change ever since I was in high school, however, at that time, I was too depressed, could not get myself to do anything because my mind set at that time was pretty much broken, and just wanted to fit in at the schools I was at ( elementary school, high school, and college ). I felt as though no one at my schools would ever give me a chance, or anything for that matter. All I wanted to do in the past was to show everyone that I was not stupid or dumb or anything like that, that I was something that people can look to or anything, and chose to graduate in computers in order to surprise those who told me that I would not even be able to go to a " good " high school. However, I have always been helping people online with issues they were having since I started going online and getting so much positive replies and so on from people, making online friends as well as relationships, sure I did have some hard times online as well, but had much more of a positive one. I have always had an inner desire to make change, to make things better for as many people as possible, but I thought it was a fantasy, that it was just like how all those other anti bullying, anti depression companies are trying to accomplish with their ( awareness ), so I put my heart and mind on making those who I have had a bond with to have someone who was all theirs ( if you get what I mean ).

Now, that inner feeling in me has become me, I see that I can really make a difference, getting a school board to listen to me, having life coaches and various doctors and people say that I have what it takes to become a leader, it has shown me that what I thought in the past, that someone can truly make a big difference, that it was NOT a fantasy. As much as I wish to have someone by my side, someone who supports and loves me, I see myself becoming something big, and helping so many people, and I want to make it happen for everyone, even for you ( the person reading this ). I also want to be able to fully trust that someone will not turn their back on me, it hurts and makes me feel as though all my effort to make it work ( and trust me I do put a lot of effort ), that its not good enough. I never want to feel that way. Till I achieve my dream, my goal, reach where I know I can be, I may reconsider it...

But right now, I am, and WILL CREATE CHANGE! I WILL BE CHANGE! I WILL PROVE PEOPLE WRONG AS I ALWAYS HAVE!

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Fully Committed To Change!

I have had a pretty rough day yesterday, and still feeling the effects today. I felt like deep inside there was a piece of me breaking apart and gone. I was really hurt and broken, but that moment gave me a different view. A new path, a path that I believe I need to take, that it was what I was supposed to be. A path that I truly believe and feel is the path that I was MEANT to take.

I once posted on my google + page:

"my choices in life seems to go from bright and loving and amazing, and then its taken away like something is playing with me, stupid weird things may happen, but when it comes to helping people, i will fight the curse i have to give others a better future ...."

I now feel that those moments of my life were leading to this moment, this moment that defines my future, and my future is to put all of my effort to make things BETTER. To reach out and help people, to become CHANGE.

I have had some great times with people who were close to me, but all of them ended in a pretty bad way, in ways that I never understood. No matter how much I would do to show my loyalty to them, it would crash, but my need to help people has only gotten stronger and stronger with time.

Now, my mind is only focused on creating a great change in the world, there is nothing else I want more but to make this world better. I have always believed I can, I have always had that spot in me that wanted to make things better in a big way, and now I am fully committed to do so, nothing, and no one, is going to stop me.  THIS is what I was meant to be, meant to do, its who I am, and I will make it, no exceptions.

Monday, 7 April 2014

Take A Stand! NEVER GIVE UP!

I got the idea to write this article from a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0h56P-WaTzQ

In life, there are people who always hold certain people down, people who they say don't have enough, don't have " it ", are not the right fit. They say that you are a joke, with your effort to achieve "the impossible". There will always be those who will continue to look down at you, they will never be able to see who you truly are, unless you break through. Make your mark, show the world what you have to offer, Make a stand, keep your mind and heart and soul focused on what you want to achieve, believe that it belongs to you, that you have earned it, that it is YOURS. 

I have always believed, and continue to feel and believe and know that I can do something really great. I have been through so much, I have overcame and became what people thought I would never be, but I feel and know that I can continue to do so much more. I may have achieved and graduated from a course that people say is really tough ( programming ), but what I believe, what I really want to give the world, what I want to be is someone who really makes a stand, an impact in the world, TO CREATE CHANGE!

They may keep saying you will never make it, you are wasting your time, that you are a joke for trying....

THEY ARE A JOKE, NOT ABLE TO SEE AND HEAR WHAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOW! NEVER GIVE UP! 

Saturday, 5 April 2014

What Are They Talking Bout? ( poem )

They say that you have no heart, yet all around you happiness

You continue to give, and yet they say your hopeless

They say your slow, even though you done so much

They say you don't know what you doing, things they never touched

They say you are a loser, yet they have no proof

They say you can never be, yet you continue to improve

They say your a loner, yet you have more friends

They say you not smart, even though they pretend ( cheat )

They run their mouth, yet they don't say a lot,

They want to talk, what they talking bout?

They say you never would, but yet you are now,

You have overcame, now go show them how ( its done )

Your Voice Matters

This article is for those who feel as though they not able to speak out in any way, weather it is feelings for something, thoughts that you just can't seem to get out, or that they feel as though if they do try to speak out, they may get other a negative response, or no response what so ever.

People have voices, we all feel, think, want and need things, but may never have the ability to speak up about it. Some people can not speak out because of their past experiences, or feel as though they do not have the time to find that right moment to say what needs to be said. Some may feel as though if they say something, that it would be pointless because so many others are already saying it.

Speaking out about anything may have some negative outcomes, but if you do not speak out, no one will ever know who you are, or think that you are just like everyone else. In order to make a mark, make change, in order to see things change in any way, no matter what it is, you will need to take a stand and speak out and make your voice be heard to the people who you are trying to reach out, weather that is to a certain person, or a group of people, or as many people as possible.

Change comes from one who voices their opinion, their thoughts, their feelings, what matters to them. It can be really tough to stand and speak out. You need to look inside yourself, see how you are feeling and why you are feeling it, or thinking. If you think that it is what you really want to speak out, that you need to do it, that you feel as though it really needs to be said in order to create change in a certain way, you need to see, feel, and know ( think ) that it is who you are, what needs to be said, what needs to happen in order to create that change. Convince yourself that you must say it, because if you do not, then you may lose your opportunity to get something, to create the change, to give people hope in some way, no matter what it is.

Every voice matters, your voice, your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings matters. No matter what people say or think, you matter. Some may not like what you have to say, but there will always be those who will see who you are and want to hear more from you, want to be by your side, or even want to be with you. Your voice matters, no matter what some people may say, make your voice heard and make your mark.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Nothing you do is " Wrong "

There is nothing that you do that is wrong, there are only choices with unexpected outcomes. Some people may come out with rules, a way of living, and telling others that you should follow them or that you are " wrong " for not doing so. Having a certain way of living is all well and good, but you should never try to make, or force others live the way that you do. Everyone is different, different feelings, thoughts, emotions, people react to things differently. If you try to change any of those by force, you are pretty much abusing them in a way, making them change themselves to follow your way of living. Every choice has consequences, people may not like what you do, the way you look, how you act, and so on, but there will always be those who do, who like and want to follow your example. Life is all about being free to do, choose, and be the way you wish to be, to understand who you are, what you want to become, what matters the most to you. Do not let others tell you what you doing is wrong. Make your life the way you want it to be, make your own way of living, not what others want from you. Never let others control you, always live free.

Someone Will Understand

In life, there will always be those people who seem to just ignore everything you do or say. They may seem to just want to push you away, not taking the time to understand who you are, or not caring about who you are. Some people will think of you as a no body even if they do not take the time to understand who you are. People can be pretty selfish, even if they say that they aren't. Some people may understand who you are, but yet think that what you doing is " wrong ", and thus, ignore you. Some people can be pretty selfish, and focus on their own circle of people so much that they lose interest in others, but there are always those who do truly understand, who have been through that, who understands how its like, and also, someone who likes what you are and what you do. There will always be those who will see you for who you are, and want to get to know you more. It may seem like no one cares, no one seems to want to get to know you, just taking what they wish from you and move on with their life, but there will always be those few who truly cares, understands, and maybe even needs you to be around because they see something in you, or they really like the type of person you are, or what you do, or built feelings for you. There are some people who may never care or understand you, but there will always be those who do. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Never Give In!

There are times where people will always try to make you see things their way, to make you do something you do not want to do, to manipulate you into breaking promises, or to do something you would never do. Some people can be really controlling, wanting things their way, wanting to make things go the way they see it, without understanding or thinking how it makes someone else feel. Some people may never learn how they are acting, what they are doing to others, never care that people are free to choose their path in life, as long as they get what they want, even if it means changing someone else's life choice just to feel as though they have accomplished something, or feel as though they are guiding others on the " right path". Sure, sometimes depending on the situation it would be acceptable, such as someone committing suicide and someone stopping someone from that, of course that would be a good thing to do, but to control, to abuse others for things that are not harmful in any way, to themselves or to others, that is never right. People are free to choose their own paths in life, free to be who they want, what they want, to be themselves, no one deserves to be disrespected, hated, abused, controlled in a way that would make one feel as though they have way too much limitations in their own life. Never let others get you down to the point that you have to give up on your dreams, your desires, never let anything control you and who you are. Everyone is free to be themselves, when that is taken away from them, they loose sight on what matters the most to them, they loose who they are, they loose their mind, their feelings, they give everything up because of the feeling, the thought that they are limited to only what is told to them by those who are controlling them. They stop caring, stop understanding, and loose that peaceful side of themselves, and start to treat others bad without seeing it. If you ever feel that you are being controlled, being abused, being forced to choose your own path, your future, to break a part of yourself, to hurt those who you care about, if you ever feel that you are loosing yourself, you need to think of what is more important, what really matters, yourself. Understand that freedom comes first, feeling free to choose, free to be yourself, free to live your life comes before anything, you may want that perfect person, that perfect job, that perfect something or somebody, but would you really sacrifice your free will, your freedom, your body, your health for it? NEVER GIVE IN TO ABUSE! NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER BE CONTROLLED! NEVER GIVE IN!

Monday, 17 March 2014

Everyone Can Overcome! ... Everyone Is Free!

Some people suffer in life, isolation, depression, abused, buried, and much, much more. Everyone goes through some dark, evil times where they will feel as though they are alone. However, out of that dark, depression period, no matter how long, comes hope, courage, the ability to overcome, the ability to shine, the ability to come out and bring about change in one way or another. Some may feel buried under so much pain that they lose sight on what is right in front of them, knowing that there are signs of hope, knowing that they have a voice and can spread it as far as their heart desires, but not being able to take that step because of fright, cause of the thoughts they have built up from their past, because of fear. Fear is the curse that we all face in life, in one way or another. We come in this world blind, def, not clear of whats around us, we come into this world in fear, and come out of this world with a story that will be remembered, other by some or by many. How do you want your story to be? What picture do you want people to remember you by? 

People do things other from how they feel or how they think. The choices in life that one chooses is other from loyalty, ambition, or honor. Some people may never understand your choice because they are fixed in their own, they have been pushed to follow their path caused by their moments in life, and thus not able to understand your way of life, your way of thinking or feeling. Life is full of fear, but its how we choose to overcome that fear, how we choose to rise above that fear that defines us, other by choosing to stay loyal to what we already has, to press forward and to realize your hopes and dreams with absolute certainty, without worrying about boundaries, without worries about the outcomes of your actions or your words, or to honor those who have come before and those who are living now, to live for the people, not for one's self or a small group of people, but for everyone. These are the choices that we all end up choosing at the very end, what our life is about, what we leave behind, a story of loyalty, ambition, or honor. What will you choose at the end, what matters the most to you, your dreams and desires, the desires of others, or the love you share with those closest to you? WHAT WILL YOU BECOME? 

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Your My Light ( poem )

There is nothing that shines brighter

There is no one that burns hotter

You give so much, more than I ever have

You light up my life, make me feel so alive 

With you, I don't need anything

Because, you are my everything

Always will be yours, you will always have me

Forever together, Forever will be

You are my life, your all I need

Dream about you ever night, every time I fall asleep


The Dark And Light Side Of Life

Darkness, pain, hurt, depression, isolation, loss, horror, betrayed, the signs of the dark side of life. Darkness is all around us, wherever we look, in our own lives and in everyone else, we may not see it but its there. However, even the dark has a silver lining, a light that you may not be able to see cause you are so concerned with the darkness around you, or you can be so happy about life, that you do not notice the dark side of things or choose to ignore it completely. Every action has a good and bad side to them. If you are so happy and not notice what your actions is doing, you may be causing more harm than good for others, or you can be so down about life, so concerned about whats happening, that you lose sight on all the good around you that you push them away.

Take the time to understand how others are feeling, understand how your actions, your words are affecting others. Every little thing you do or say may have a bigger impact on someone more than you ever thought. Understand that everyone feels differently about things. Take time to think about others before you do something or say something.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Do You Want To Be " Change "

First off, I know it has been some time since I posted an article lately, pretty long time actually, but will be getting back on my feet, well chair, and start to post things again.

I have been thinking about the 2 years that I spent on creating change for schools in my area, getting connected to the school board here, pushing and pressing forward with my passion and dedication towards what I strongly believe needs to change and to become better, and that was for a much more positive and a better anti bullying prevention plan. I have helped a ton of people over the years with issues of bullying, depression, abuse, and more all related to bullying. I always strongly believed that if you never give up on something that you are fully passionate about, something would come out of it, and in 2 years, I had my opportunity to create that change that I have always dreamed of, to help people in my area and to really make a big positive change. However, something has come up in my life that I had to decide one or the other, and I would like to be clear, it was not cause of money, greed, or anything to do with that, rather it had something to do with my feelings for someone that made me choose, but my desire to help people has and will never change.

Never believe that your efforts are pointless. Never feel like if you do something people will laugh, people may judge, but there will always be that one person in the group who will truly understand. I learned that when I made various speeches during my little push for change, have opened people's eyes, big or little, I remember a kid was sitting in the front row of one of my very first speeches I made, I was so nervous being the first time after a while doing a speech to so many. It was so hard that I sometimes would stumble and even froze up a little during it, but i focused and kept my mind on it, had a mind set to " bring it ", and I did. So much so that that kid, and other people as well, would start to mention me in their speeches, in their questions, in anything they wanted to tell the board, even a few people said that they had no plans of saying something, but seeing me and hearing what I said changed that. You have no idea how it feels having people come up to you for the first time and admire what you have done and said until you have lived it yourself.

Everyone has what it takes to create change, some may not have the time, some may not know how, but everyone has it in them to make things better, to create change. Never give up hope, and never think that your efforts were all for nothing. Every little thing you do, will mean so much to others, so go out there and give all you got and bring it, give everything you got, and in time, others will follow your example. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

HONOR......and..... FORGIVENESS

HONOR

Things happen, life moves on, you can look back at all of that and get blinded by it, so focused on the rear view mirror that you lose sight on whats right in front of you, you lose site on reality. Things change in life, people move on, things may turn around, does not mean your feelings, your love for someone is. It will never be gone if you take the time to take all of their final words to heart, EVERY WORD, and let them know that you are honoring them, they will know without a doubt that they are in your heart. Love is all about honor, respect, trust, commitment, if you keep them to your heart, then the bond will always be there. Its important to do whats right and move on when you have to, but does not mean you need to lose the bonds that you have made. 

FORGIVENESS

In life, people that we care so much for may do things that we hate, really not like, to the point that you lose trust and hope in them. Cheating, Stealing,.... it makes us rethink what we truly want, need, what really matters, and why you even with that person. There will be times in your life that you will look back on it and see it once again, may make you happy that you gone, or it could make you feel sad and make you see things differently. Make you see something special in someone that you couldn't see before because of all that they were doing before. Something that makes you regret leaving them. You may never have the chance to get them back, but there is always a time to take the time to talk to them, to let them see that you still care, that you want to be there for them, and that you forgive them. Even if you can not talk to them, you can imagine and spend just one more time with them, let yourself forgive what they done.

I had that moment these past 2 days.... someone was not treating me so well for a long time way back in the past, but looking back on it now, I saw something really really special in the person. Things have changed now and there may not be a way for me and the person to have what we had, but I now feel ... I can not explain it but I am happy for taking the time to talk to her and to forgive her for everything, even if I couldn't talk to her any more.

No matter how much someone has hurt you in the past, no matter what has happened, always take the time to forgive and let them know that you care and had a wonderful time with them and everything. Things may change and people split, its all part of life, but if you hold that past in you, you may hurt your future in one way or another, holding a grudge for so long may make the next similar situation worse. Even if its over, take the time to forgive, even if you feel that its too late.

Friday, 24 January 2014

ALL The Poems / Song Lyrics I Have Written So Far

Every single song lyrics and poems that I have written so far. Enjoy.

All These Tears 

In my life, I never had no body

loneliness, no one ever around me

Gone was my heart, locked up tight

But when I met you, my soul burns bright


My life used to be all dark and hateful

But now its all caring and beautiful


This feeling in me, I never felt before

The sight, the smell, I can't imagine more

This feeling, thought I would never...

All these tears, my curse gone forever


You saw something in me, I thought was gone

emotions pouring out, my heart turned on

Used to think that love was a dream

but with you, It is all I need


Never thought I would feel like this

Time with you I never want to miss


This feeling in me, I never felt before

The sight, the smell, I can't imagine more

This feeling, thought I would never...

All these tears, my curse gone forever


When everything breaking down on me

You know how to make me feel free

And when I feel sad lonely

All I need is you with me


This feeling in me, I never felt before

The sight, the smell, I can't imagine more

This feeling, thought I would never...

All these tears, my curse gone forever


The Faces Of Fear

Walking around outside my house

Looking, watching, as quiet as a mouse

Seeking the unknown, looking for something

Looking, Seeing, Watching, Observing

Every sight of life filling me with fear

Unknown faces drawing near

Hides in my house, feeling dirty

Thinking I was safe, isolated and free

When i looked up, I saw myself

A reflection of me, in fear of life itself

Isolated, scared of many faces

Many colors, styles, looks and races

So much history behind every one

Have never cared about none

Seeing my reflection, I shed a tear

Finally I understand, my vision is cleared

I hated others, without knowing why

How can one judge someone, without even saying hi ( meaning without even talking to them )


We Here For You

In life, there will be a time

A moment of pain, that crosses that line

That line in your soul that you thought nothing can get through

Heats you up, burns you down, more than you knew

Broken,shattered, messed up, confusion

Causes you to be alone, isolation 

Don't give up, you not the only one

In time, it will all be gone

We are here for you, take away that knife

Take my hand, we will give you life

We will bury you with kindness

We will drown you in niceness

We will cut deep into your soul

Filling in that deep whole

They will no longer break ( you ) 

Your heart will awake

We here for you

Together, we will break through


Why Am I Trying.... 

So much effort, working, trying

Pushing and pressing, but nothing

I have skills and the mindset to be

But they continue to reject, and kick me

I have what it takes to become something

Sacrificing my time for this, wanting, needing

Years of trying, years of  " NO "

Having worked so hard, but yet they don't know

Worked so hard, yet always being kicked

Why am I trying, if they almost caused me to get sick

I keep my head up in these dark times, keep hoping

That when one door closes, another one opens


Schools and Bullying

Bullying all around us, abuse, hate, suffering 

No light in site, only work, dances and singing

The voices of change from those who don't give it

The hands of hope reaching out, but don't mean it 

Lies, distrust, no where to turn to

Everyone scared, not knowing what to do

Those teaching to stand against, are the same ones who bring others down

When we do as they teach, we the ones who are rundown

How can we speak of change to the selfish minds

We express the need, but their minds are blind

The world calls for change, each and everyone 

Yet they don't understand anyone

Something must be done , a way to change their mind

Turn their minds from heartless, to selfless

Show them what they are doing to their students, our kids

Have them be tested to see who they care more, people, or themselves ( no more of telling us that our kids need to be tested ( like by a doctor and so on ) , they should be telling us that they have something for our kids ) 

We all understand bullying, we all know whats going on

It is them who needs to put something in place, to give the students, our kids, something to feel strong

To feel as though they are needed, wanted, accepted, and feel special 

No more isolated groups, we need something extra ( meaning no more little group meetings for students, we need something more than this ) 

Something where the bullies can truly be free, truly have their voices heard

To bond together with other and really make a difference in their schools

To feel free in their schools, and also protect it ( the school ) 

To truly bring change to not just one school, but many 

We may never see something like this happen, may never be

Because of the selfish powers that be, that teach it, but don't be it 

Forever Will Be

Down and gone, my heart dead

Feeling stabbed, soul broken, bled

Trapped in a once safe space

This dark place once full of grace

Looking for a sign, struggling to see

Feeling Forever trapped, forever will be


Wall cracks, the light signs through

Feeling something different, it grew

A sign of hope, feeling in me burning

Feeling so different, my life turning

Finally feeling free to be me

Forever free, forever will be


Out of the hole, out of the darkness

Awaken is my soul, no longer feeling heartless

Seeing the world outside, confusing, complicated

Feeling awakened, turning frustrated

Out of the hole, yet darkness all I can see

Forever lost, forever will be


Pain Can Not Stop Us

The walls breaking down

By the cries so loud

The strength of out might

Shall end this pointless fight


Hate, now clear and clean

Suffer, no longer seen

No longer down and thus

Pain, can not stop us


Battles long and heavy

Overcame by always staying steady

Victory cries heard around the land

We can finally live our lives so grand


Hate, now clear and clean

Suffer, no longer seen

No longer down and thus

Pain, can not stop us


Can't Hurt Me No Longer

Hearing the voices of hate

Now Begging me, your too late 

No Forgiveness no longer

Never going to listen any more


You speak, Can't hear you

You beg, Can't hear you

You Scream, Can't hear you

Can't hurt me no longer


The pain I once felt

By the whips of the belt

The many times of forgiveness 

Walk away from your ignorance 


You speak, Can't hear you

You beg, Can't hear you

You Scream, Can't hear you

Cant hurt me no longer


Hurt no longer

Trust no longer

Pain no longer

You no longer


You speak, Can't hear you

You beg, Can't hear you

You Scream, Can't hear you

Cant hurt me no longer


Struggling Never More

Dark times, overcame

Life brighter than a flame 

Suffered through dark times

Finally see the bright signs 


Cries I once shed 

Tears once spread

Out and over forever

Struggling never more



Got out of the darkness

Away from the heartless

Now free to be me

Only if you could see


Cries I once shed 

Tears once spread

Out and over forever

Struggling never more


Darkness, vanished

Pain, no longer

Hate, Gone

I, forever stronger


Cries I once shed 

Tears once spread

Out and over forever

Struggling never more 


Moment For The Ages

Moment like these, unheard of

Victories, success, over, above

Moments like this rarely come along

This moment can never be wrong


The moment for the ages

The time for new beginnings

The struggles and stages 

This is a moment for the ages 


Life Forever changing

A lifetime of trailblazing 

Fighting to reach the top 

Focused, determined, nonstop


The moment for the ages

The time for new beginnings

The struggles and stages 

This is a moment for the ages 


Made it to the level 

Finally got rid of my devil

Now its time for me to be

To reach the stars, far as I can see


The moment for the ages

The time for new beginnings

The struggles and stages 

This is a moment for the ages


Heart And Mind

The heart of love

The mind above

One without the other

Causes one to suffer

The Thoughts and feelings

Brings together everything


Heart and mind of one

May weight hell of a ton

Hearts and minds of many

Can create life for any 


Feelings from actions

Thoughts from reaction

They are bonded together

Will Always and forever

Bring them together, shall create life

Create life, together we shall survive


Heart and mind of one

May weight hell of a ton

Hearts and minds of many

Can create life for any


The Sound Forever Fearing

Walking up from my slumber

From a sound like thunder 

No sounds of dripping was heard

Not a single flash appeared

Curious of the sound

This room I step out 



My life forever haunting

The Sound, forever fearing


Hearing knocking at my door

At such a time feared me more

Opening the door to a black figure

Some body, yet disfigured

A light clears the dark

Looking at a creepy smirk 



My life forever haunting

The Sound, forever fearing



He hands me a bloody letter

Once that I clearly remembered

It was a note I gave

A note to forgive

Then voice wishpered a word

That caused fear so much more


My life forever haunting

The Sound, forever fearing


I slammed the door 

Locked every entrance more and more

No sign of light shining 

Only sound of knocks making

Isolation I forever be

The letter I forever read


My life forever haunting

The Sound, forever fearing....


The sounds continued hammering

In my soul burning and hurting

Causing crazy insane pain

Growing marks of madness in my brain

No longer a sign of hope in me

No sign of life that i can see


My life forever haunting

The Sound, forever fearing....


Truth and Lies Collide


Truth and lies all over

Good guys and bad everywhere

The world forever confused

The people being used


When truth and lies Collide

Create a world of fear

People forever lost, distrust

Happiness vanish like dust


People being used all over

Wanting to feel safe, but will never

With all the scams, all the lies

Every person you see, even those giving advise



The world losing trust, with all the lies

When truth and lies Collide

The world will never feel alive

When truth and lies Collide


Song For The People

People stand up, your time is now

People in the way, let bring the plow

No one stops our movement

They have no life, they are the stupid


This is a song for the people, a voice of hope

A force to change things, not just cope

A song of faith, a vision of better

World will never suffer again, ever


The Voices of the people, getting louder

The sounds of life, the combined power

Combined strength, people come together

To make this land better forever



This is a song for the people, a voice of hope

A force to change things, not just cope

A song of faith, a vision of better

World will never suffer again, ever


Combine with hands

Come together again

Life we live together

Your life will never drain


This is a song for the people, a voice of hope

A force to change things, not just cope

A song of faith, a vision of better

World will never suffer again, ever



The people have purpose

The people have power

The people together stronger

The people better forever


Must Fight On

The Vision may be lost, but not gone

The time is now, to bring a new dawn

The mistake I once made, shall not consume me

The struggles goes on, but i shall be free


Must fight on

To once again see

Must not quit

For the people to be

Must fight on

For the people to see

Must not quit

To bring a future of peace


The suffering continues, but not for long

We have heart, Our will is strong

We shall change this with might

With soul, our minds combined


Must fight on

To once again see

Must not quit

For the people to be

Must fight on

For the people to see

Must not quit

To bring a future of peace


To bring change

One must act

To give hope

One must attract

To be free

We must fight

To have sight

We must bring the light



Must fight on

To once again see

Must not quit

For the people to be

Must fight on

For the people to see

Must not quit

To bring a future of peace


My Dream Forever Lost

A goal unfulfilled, a vision vanished

My heart torn, my mind shattered

Stolen is my life, gone is my goal

Hope no longer, trapped in my hole


My dreams lost, my soul suffering

This life I live, forever burning

The side I chose, a heavy cost

My dream I once had, Forever lost


Walking alone, no one sees

Isolation, this feeling ( of ) unease

Life once mine, shall never be

Happiness lost, no longer free


My dreams lost, my soul suffering

This life I live, forever burning

The side I chose, a heavy cost

My dream I once had, Forever lost


All was mine, now is lost

Forever in dark, fear it has brought

The future now in dark hands

Spreading sadness and fear, through out the lands



Our dreams lost, my soul suffering

This life We live, forever burning

The side We chose, a heavy cost

Our dreams We once had, Forever lost


Cries For A Hero

Suffering figures cover this land

Suffering burning up like the desert sands

The bruised hands reaching up for light

Too dark to see, Too painful to fight



Fallow or suffer, suffer or die

The choices for the ignored cries

The cries for a hero 

To set them free, must get out and go



Wishpers in the dark, prayers for a sign 

A sign of hope , to feel a glimpse of life

Their cries for help causing more hurt

The more they unheard, the more they lose hope


Follow or suffer, suffer or die 

The choices for the ignored cries 

The cries for a hero 

To set them free, must get out and go


A beam of light, brightens the darkness

The evil sinners, ash to ashes

The hand of truth, hope comes

The hero has finally came, vanish the wicked ones



Suffer or fallow, die or suffer

The rule no longer exists here

Hero of light, vanish the dark

Even the dark lies a spark


Turning Point

A change in the times, unexpected events

Turn this life in different paths

For the better, for the worst 

Times that one may wish was reversed

Confused of all the pain one brings

Hurt from all the stabs, all the lies 

Stabbed in the back, the unseen actions 

From those who were once friends

Lies causes war between various fronts 

A time where one must choose a side at once 

All sides have their ups and downs 

But choosing the simpler path, may lead one to drown

Choosing a path without meaning, without thinking

Will haunt one's future, suffering, sinking

If one chooses to fallow reason and understanding

May result in one having, but losing 

The choice to fallow your heart 

May in time result falling apart

However, to have what you hold dear

One must sacrifice, without no fear 

This path may be long and tough

May make one think enough is enough

But the reward after the hard and long struggle 

Will bring about a life so beautiful

For at the end, lies the path you have been looking for

The suffering, no longer, no more

Each and every path has their ups and downs

But without feeling, without thought, your life may drown

But with mind, with feeling, one will live

Whether with love , or the reason to survive


The Path To Living

I got a little something to tell yea about living

The paths to take, the life worth taking

The roads all have a bright side to them

But all those paths have consequences in em

The path one takes may look special to you

But the truth may be sad, depressing and " blue "

All paths so mixed up, so complicated

The path you thought was great may change to hatred

Following others may make you feel needed

But is it something that you always wanted

Darkness all around, fakes, robbers, haters, and bullies

No where is true, all covered up in lies

No one can make you choose a path, no one controls your life

No one can make you take that step with a knife

Its your life, live it the way you know how to

Take your steps in life, they can say what they like but you know what to do

Nothing is true, everything is permitted

No path is just, you want something you go get it .... your way


Life Moves... 

Those days when its time to get out on your own

That day where you moving away from all you known

To live on your own, a new start

The time makes you feel like a restart

Your life starting new, your past over there

They may be far, but will always be here ( heart )

Life moves, Time flies

It might be hard, but nothing to make one cry

Keep living, keep making your life rise high

Be strong, live well, keep yourself feeling fine

No matter where you go, never forget all that got you there

Life moves, never forget to stop to breath the air

Whether you living hard, relaxed, fast, or whatever

Always take time to think of all that got you to where you are


Signs of Hope

Life is full of hate, life may make you drown

Life can be so dark, and bring you down

Things will make you lose hope

Things may bring you down a slope

Life can not keep everyone down for long

Things that hurt can also make them strong

The ones who suffer, may hurt a lot

But deep inside, lies something one may never thought

The power of change lies in everyone

But those who suffer have more power more than anyone

Life may look bad, but look closer

You will find a path to turn your life over


World So Corporate

Life is turning more corporate, more business

From the need to take care of one another, to take caring of what we got

Manipulation, scams, all aimed at money making

Saying they care, but showing off, bragging

Showing how much they make, and not what they do

Is this real, or are they trying to screw

To give false hope for change, when taking our money

They give false sense of a better future, but continue to steal, bully

The signs are their in various companies, whether people want to see it or not

We want to stop bullying, but we need your money for more " jump shots "

Sports, dances, things for those who are living

But what about the other side, what about those suffering

When will money be less important than the people

Why do they steal from us even though they tell us its illegal

When will they see that they are wrong

When will all of us truly get along

Will the suffering forever be that

Will they wait until they see them fall flat

When will be the day this all changes for the better

What will make things right, so this never happens again, ever


My Life Is With You

My life never felt complete until the moment we met

The moment we were face to face for the first time, I will never forget 

With you my life felt like it has just begun 

Everything you do and say is like nothing anyone has ever done

My life is filled with life every time we together

I feel so blessed and lucky, me and you forever 

I just want to do what it takes to make you smile

Every day, every second, no one else can ever have your style

Seeing you happy with me makes me feel like no other

The life I have with you I know I can never have with another

You are the only one that I need, to make you happy is all I want to do

And I will forever love you more and more, more than you ever knew 

My life can only be found when I am with you 

I am forever yours, and that's the truth :)


The Silent Cries For A Better Life

The truth of life is hidden, yet seen

Its seeing the sights that yet unseen

Its a sing of hope, covered in lies

Others may show, but yet only causing more lies

They cover up what others already know

Giving us lights, music, like they think life is one big game show

Where the hurt are only given knowledge that they not alone

But yet you continue to hear voices that are yet unknown

Voices and sounds that seem to be ignored

The cries for something to make them feel like they never felt before

Something that will truly be something

But as long as they continue to ignore, all we will see is the same thing

We need to create something ourselves, cause they don't seem to want to

The cries for a better life, we must make them come true


What Leader Will You Be

When the world looks broken and finished

There is those who are working are on getting things changed

Those who truly care, those who stand up to those liars

Those who feel they helping, but really are spreading the fires

The fires spreading far and wide, and it only getting bigger

The world is crying out for a bigger brighter future

Will your voice be one that clears these fires or expand it

Will you make people commit or submit

Will you get people to commit to creating a better change

Or will you be the one who forces and makes them submit to your rage

The world needs leaders, need to get better

But how will you make it happen, care or scare


The Trap Deep Within

Feel trapped in a hole, a hole I can not get out of

I look up at the top, but too dark above

There is no light side in this dark trap I am in 

I am blinded for such a long time, I do not know how long it has been

I need support, need a way out

But no one can help me, no matter how much i shout

The only way out is for me to choose 

Other to end my life, or change my mood

This is so wrong, I feel so mad

But this dark trap I am in, I can not fight back

But if I do not choose it, then others may have to face death 

If i choose to end a life, I would be free

But would lose a piece of myself, deep within me

What choice will I choose, and will I be able to live with myself

This dark trap I am in, may end in suffering to one self 

The path I take, I must stay strong 



Life goes on, but for how long... 


Rise To The Top 

The top of the ladder, the top of the tower

The chance to become, to have the power

The climb up top, seems impossible to bear

One day I wish, I need, I just got to get there 

The path unclear, but the goal is in sight 

I must prepare, get my mind right 

Look at what needs to be done, get those opportunities

I must find people to support me, the support of the community

I need to keep myself focused, keep myself motivated

The task if a long and rough one, but it will never get me frustrated

I going to get what I want out of life, its now my time to shine

The top of that tower is mine, time for me to get in the front of that line

I have suffered so long, but this time is now mine 

Life has brought me down, but I am now beyond fine 

I will give back to those who are the bottom, who feel like its too much

I will give anyone a shot at me, YOU WANT SOME? ... then lets get in touch :)


The Hidden.... The Unseen 

We are the few who most do never see

We watch from the shadows, looking at what be

What be done to this land of ours, this one full of injustice

Watching your every moves, all of your cowardice

We understand, we know whats true

We see what has happened, all cause of you

We have watched you for some time, all you have done

We are ready to take you down, the quest to stop the hate has begun

We will stop your harsh actions to the people, in any way we can

We will bring piece to this once glorious land

You will see this land turned around, a land without harassment

We will bring about a new life for all, the way it is ment ( to be )

You have once forced us to believe that the only choice we had was to be submitted

But nothing is true, everything is permitted

 ( meaning nothing is just, people can choose freely what to believe :) )


Looking out my window...

Looking out my window, looking at the stars up in the night sky

Thinking to myself, what will become of me, how and why 

Why does others seem to get their time to become stars 

What makes them special, where are their scars 

I have pushed and have not gotten anywhere

I just wish I could just climb to the top, just be there 

Just be where I feel I deserve to be

To be the one who people want help from, who reach out to me 

NO, I have suffered for so long

I have been through so much, have never done any wrong

I have always done what needed to be done, for others to feel happy

To feel free, to feel needed 

I have done so much, and will continue to do more

If others look down at me, i don't care, I have done so much more than i ever thought i would ever do before. 

I am a star, to my friends, families, and the community 

Together, we are stronger than all, UNITY :)


Test After Test....

Life has hit me with another test

This is not a written one, its more of a quest

A quest that reminds me of the past

All that I Been through, All those questions I have asked

I get answer after answer, but still not enough

I need to know the reason for all of this tough stuff

Like will I ever be free, to take on my own paths

Will I ever grab my dreams, or will they only be that ( dreams )

Will i see the light of day, in this darkness I am suffering in

Will I ever be out of here, please tell me when

To create a future that I can call my own

To feel as though I have reached my thrown

To be on top looking down

Giving others hope, not to bow down

Will I ever get that chance, to change the place

Or will i simply be known as a no one, never to be traced

So many questions yet answered, so many paths yet taken

Will I find my place in the world, or will I forever be forsaken


This face will never turn again

This face has always turned back

Back to forgiveness, for all the mistakes of the past

The hardships, the hate, the lies, will they end

I wish to believe you, hope your words are not pretend

I turned my focus back to you, no matters how much you hurt me

I always wanted this what we have, to always and forever be

I believed in you so much, but fell into that trap

Once more you have hit me down, my face you have slapped

Abused, hurt, turned me away once more

Should have listened to my gut, lies before,

You have lied to me time and time again

You have lied and abused my mind, and deep in my brain

But I am done, through, finished, over,

Will never turn my head to you, you will never see this face ever

Me and you, forever gone,

If you think I ever going to forgive you again, you are so wrong.

I will turn my head to a new life, that I will create

A life that you would have begged to be apart of it.


The Light In The Darkness

Stuck in a dark place, too dark to see

Dark figures with other dark figures, but yet they don't see me

All the dark figures seem to just walk pass

Ignoring me, when I get close, they move away fast

Alone, Isolated, in a world full of life

If only i can find a way, a gun or a knife

A way to get out of this isolation

A way to leave this world, to a brand new destination

After some time, a light at the top of a hill

Something that makes me feel something that i thought only a knife can fill

Being in such a dark place for so long, suffering deep within

And now seeing that light in the dark, this feeling never bin

This feeling never bin in my life ever

And now I feel it, thanks to that light over there

I walk towards the light, reaching the unknown light

Darkness fading, The light getting much more bright

I reach the light, i no longer feel depressed

I not feel something I thought i would never feel, blessed

No matter how hard life is, there is always a silver lining

A light that will turn your mind from slashing, to laughing :)


One of those days.....

Its just one of those days, where no one seems to see me

Just one of those times, where I am scared to be

One of those steps, that looks so hard to get over

One of those struggles, where I feel like a longer

Those times where I wish I can get there

One of those times where I just want things to be fair

Its just one of those days where I want to fight out

One of those times where i just want to scream out loud

One of those days where I just want to be

Be somewhere, Be someone, to just be ME .....


A Poem For All The Moms Out There 

moms are always there even if you feel they not

moms always care even if they tough

moms give, make, and create life

moms take care, raise and work to bring new life

moms always there, moms always care

some moms might not seem like it, but they always there

 to share, to give, never take,

to love, never hate,

to bring life, never death,

to bring new life and to always love :)


Help Those In Need...

Life may be easy for some, people may be happy...

But there are those who are not, those who are unseen

The ones who hide, the ones who are scared

Those who feel alone, and unneeded

Those who been hurt, heart and soul torn

Those who beg and plea for NO MORE!!

Those who need to be, those who want to be needed

Those who keep reaching out to something, will you be it?

The leader to guide them, the one who gives

To give something to give others the chance to live

To create change, by giving others the chance to be true leaders

To change the mind of the hurt, and change their lives for the better

Life is full of hurt, but also light

Will you be apart of the good fight :)


No One... 

no one speaks, but are talking

no one sees, but always looking

no one gives, but always hands out

no one hears, but always responding

no one needs, but asks for stuff

no one wants, but always gets

no one understands, or choose to ignore

all they want to do, is more and more

they act not for others, but for themselves

they look down at others, who they say are below their level

they must be stopped, they must be taught

the truth must be heard, this war must be fought

they say they doing it for us, but clearly a lie

they act like this is their life, but this is mine ( yours :) )

they try to make things better, by doing what they know is wrong,

they choose to ignore us, like we do not truly belong

stealing, selfish acts, ignoring, are these actions supposed to bring peace?

we must make life better, but not become what we see ( bullying and stealing and being selfish and so on )


Will Walk No Longer... 


Have walked on the cold painful grounds of this dark unforgiving land where i lay for so long, feeling only hurt

Dark figures around me, pointing to me, judging me, using me just so they can feel a sence of comfort

The pain of being lonely, been walking this path so long, doing anything i can to stop the pain

This is too hard to handle, too hard to bare, so hard to be me when so many judging who i am

Looking back at all of that, and seeing where i am now, i shed a tear

Knowing that i have come so far, and now i am living

I have made things in my life, better than what others thought of me

I will walk no longer.... because i am just too high up :)