Friday, 4 October 2013

A Few Thoughts That I had When I Was Depressed

  1. Graduated from high school, and WANTED TO BURN THE INVITATION TO THE PROM AND THE GRAD CEREMONY! Did also wanted to burn the school but that was from how much I suffered there, and also the effect that my elementary school life had on me. Thinking stuff and feeling things is fine, but taking them into action and doing it is something else. Everyone thinks of beating up there mean, selfish, and maybe abusive bosses, but no one goes out and knocks them out or anything. Your actions is what shows who you are, not your thoughts. You may have really harsh feelings in you, but if you not let them corrupt you and so on, it shows that you are not what you look like, feel like, or what you think of. 
  2. Walking home or to high school every day, with the thought of being surrounded with people laughing at me then seeing a bright light with someone reaching out to me then when I get close, they push me back down and laugh just like everyone else was. Was a real rough and depressing time for me. Also had thoughts of the place around me burning up, but that could have been from the depression and how I listened to a lot of metal bands and dark music ( goth and so on ). 
  3. There was this one person who was on my mind for a real long time, few years actually, who I thought liked me and so on, but simply used me and played around with my emotions, one of the people who " helped " make the thought of being surrounded and so on far worse. 
  4. Feeling trapped and no where to go even after graduating from college, not knowing what I wanted to do in life because every time I would think of something I wanted to become, and sometimes try to do it anyways, I would get a wave of emotion, of all the times I suffered and feeling as though things will be real bad and so on. I was in a state of mind that no matter what I wanted to do AT ALL, no matter what it was, I couldn't ( career wise, like job and so on ). 
These were only a few of the thoughts and feelings that I had in the past. The reason I am mentioning all this is because these are the effects one can and most likely will happen to someone who has been suffering from bullying, abuse, and so on for a real real long time, to the point that they lose their sense of thought, sense of feeling, sense of being themselves and focus on simply proving people wrong, or worse. I say worse when it comes to something worse than " focusing on proving people wrong " because that type of focus can lead one to forget about what they truly want to become in life and more focused on doing things that they feel others can't, then when it comes to becoming something they want to be, they will feel trapped as I have been. If something isn't done about these bullies and abusers ( the one who abuse, just clarifying ), and so on BEFORE it gets worse, this will continue to happen over and over and over, to more and more people. 

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