Sunday, 9 June 2013

Depress to Success ( Story of my life )

I would like to tell you a little story about me, so that you can understand me and know me better personally, well it all started since I moved from my first elementary school, the first school I went to was all right, not much to really talk about there, but in grade 4, I moved to, I guess you can call it a school, I was put into a help class, just so i can finish my homework and so on, but before the end of grade 5, my parents noticed that my work was real good and thought that I should no longer be in the help class, but the teachers in that help class told my parents and me that I would never ever make it to college or not even a proper high school, to my parents and my face, can you imagine how that felt, having the people that are supposed to be helping people to get out and fallow everyone else to tell me that I will never be out.. but then with a lot of talking to them, I was taking out of that help class and was told that if I get high marks in grade 6 they will consider keeping me out for the rest of my elementary school, and guess what, i got real high marks, like A's and B's, so high that the principle considered firing the people who tried to hold me back, well I don’t really remember if that happened but with the marks i got he should have, sounds all well and good right.

Now the bad part... probably the part that really broke me back in the past... every single person in my classes laughed at me, well maybe 1 or 2 people didn't care but everyone else thought of me as a loser, now from what you heard so far, would you think of me like that, well I had to go through my hole elementary, high school, and even college life of hated, but there was one girl who i thought liked me, and i sort of liked her too a lot, like thought of her for 6 years, guess u can say she was my first crush, hugged me during grade 8 grad, a few times made fun of me with the others, but i tried to think that she was just fitting in, till high school, when she sort of hung out with the ... guess u can say the wrong people, and started to ignore me and stuff, sort of like she hoped that she wouldn't have to see me again, so I let her go, even though i still wanted to be with her, I had to make myself let go.

Now for my high school life, west hill, more like west hell, lied to, laughed at, hated, luckily my 2 best friends from my FIRST elementary school was there, but the damage was already done, i fell into deep depression, sure i would still try to make friends, would have very few moments of liking someone, but want to know what was always going through my head over my high school life, me in a dark room, in the middle surrounded by people laughing at me, and at times it would be silent and i would see one of them reaching out to me to take my hand and then when i try to fallow, i would get pushed back and laughed at, imagine having to go through that for years, i got so depressed I wasn’t sure what to do, and one teacher noticed what was going on, mostly cause my marks were sort of messed up, getting bad marks on stuff i would get real good on before and good on bad stuff, so they brought in a doc just to check up on me, few little tests, and they found out that, and i quote" your mind is in the superior level and you should be getting straight As " and my educational life stayed up from that point on, went to a real good college in a real difficult program, did good on it and so on, but i was still deeply depressed, did not know what to do, you can imagine how my social life was, pretty much dead, starting hurting myself every night, and yes still had her on my mind, killed me, until like the end of grade 10 I believe .. when for some reason, not really sure how, but I went on a chat site, called Gaiaonline, and started talking to people, and guess what, I got tons and tons of people telling me that i am a great guy and shocked about what was happening and so on, and from that point till college things were a little bit better, then in college, i took a computer course, not cause I wanted to, just cause I was always on it, and cause it pays well, and yes still depressed, so I met another girl, thinking that this time it will be different, and i really thought she liked me, she even said it a few times and guess what, she lied, used me for few exams and then stopped, it hurt, and plus the others didn't seem to care much, so at that time I thought I had to make a choice, my internet life, with tons of people who think i great, or hoping for others in college, guess you know what I chose, pushed people in college away, even when there was a assignment that was meant for 5 people, I did it myself and got a real high mark on it, highest in the class, alone.

Now for after college, right after I graduated, I started to really get depressed, almost like there was a part of me waiting to get out, and did, started to stress out, wasn't sure what i wanted to do, went to various places, thought of going to acting, pro wrestling, got a little training, online money making ( just one... didn't work out ), various other stuff, yes i do have a lot of skills :) ... so started taking anti-depressants, and now i am much better, got better fast actually but yea, now I am reaching out to various anti bullying companies and so on to spread the word, I have been helping people online ever since i started getting positive replies online and plus i been through a hell of a lot as explained, so I know how it is.  The only thing in my life now that i am sort of ( not really ) upset about, is that I feel and know that i can do something really great, that i can really make a difference... but cant, but that little small thing is nothing compare to all that I have been through.


  1. Good for you that you are better....I come from the opposite side....I coasted through early life ...when the going got tough...reality set in and could not handle it....went through multiple valleys before things cam to was a hard road but it has made me where I am today so I am glad it all happened.

  2. I am glad you made it!

    Your story rings so true with me too... even the part about wanting to be pro-wrestler! I worshiped Pat Patterson and Rocky Johnson (bet I am older than you, if you don't know who they are.) I have been on an antidepressant for over a year now for my DID, and the last 2 days I thought I was great without them. Today it hit hard, so I took one, but until that kicked in, a bit ago, this was one tough day. I detest drugs, but this one is sometimes really needed. I could not concentrate, work, or do anything. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin.

    By the way in school, I was the one that took out the bullies. I was a lean, mean fighting machine and protected those that needed it.

    1. Thank you :)

      I know who they are, Pat Patterson was from the 4 horsman right, with ric flair ( WOOO! lol ). I also hated taking the drugs, i felt at the time ( when i took my first one ) that I let " them " win, was hard at first but then i just focused on what really mattered and in time i started feeling much better that i stopped taking them, but keeping some just in case but as of now i feeling much better. i still sometimes feel like doing something real special and do something really big and so on, but I know that i need to focus on first having something for me, such as a job and my own place and so on. Not saying that i going to stop at making a difference and so on, but i think you understand what i saying. I have created speaches to school boards, shared my ideas with them, for over a year or 2, have helped people online for over 6 years online, have done so much, have put most of my life for others, that i could not focus on myself. I only wanted to do what was best for others, to give others a chance to shine, but it has been so long now, and i know i need to get something started for me and so on.

      Thank you and its great that you were the one who took out the bullies, bullying may always be around, but one day, things will change, and students and people in general will have their time to shine and will not be able to feel any suffering from " them " :)

  3. Take care of yourself Dear.... that is how you can give the best of you to someone else. Now as an adult, I understand bullies far better, and I know they are messed up too, but they show it in a really bad way.