Sunday, 10 June 2018

Evolution of a Broken Soul ( poem )

Losing friends, people I cared deep

People walking out on me, like a creep ( isolated and feeling like a nobody )

Knowing I am a somebody, someone people can trust

Yet left alone, my soul crushed

Done so much in my past

Everything changing so fast

Worrying how long this pain will last

Oh how many times I have asked....

Waking up to the realization, 

From all this frustration

That in the end its only me

My soul and I, forever will be

That I got to focus on what really mattered

Before my world becomes fractured

Things may never be, But I still alive

Things broke down, but I still have things to thrive

" Just settle, forget and move on "

Screw that, I ain't done

Things might end, and be gone

But just like a video game, I respawn

Forever will be....

My soul and me....


Sunday, 27 May 2018

Only You ( poem )

Alone your weak, together your strong, they always say

But how can that be, when it takes 1 second to betray

The bonds you have built through out the years, vanished in a flash

The smiley faces you once knew, faded to ash

The light, taken over by the dark

Left alone with scars, mental marks

Once having friends, those you felt were " keepers "

Yet only feeling like you were being buried deeper

Once in a crowd of people, feeling loved

Yet being lied to, knocked down and shoved

Loved, turned to desire, desire turned to desparation

Wanting became needing, slowly cracking into hesitation

Scared of what may happen, or what will be

Broken and cracked inside, too hard to see

People say its all in the past, to let it go

But what if it has been the only thing you ever known

That alone you are strong, together you are complete

You can handle life on your own, but always feeling down in defeat

Wanting the one thing, that may never come

The one thing that matters, you may never overcome

Alone and only really being known by a few

Yet knowing deep down inside, that there is only you....

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Views of a Broken Soul ( poem )

( was listening to a few depressing songs and felt like writing something depressing )

Depression to some, might be a sickness

Some think its a curse, that only needs tenderness

But what if the soul, has always seemed to be

Twisted, broken, something like me

Isolated, trapped for years

Screaming for help, to no ears

Always pushed aside, like I was nothing

Told i could never have, or be anything

Surrounded by people, blinded to see

All they have done, and caused me

Fading away, feeling obsolete

Escaping to imagination, my only retreat

Coaches, and more, believing in me

Yet outside I'm trapped, inside I'm free

People in the real world, giving me hope

Yet always feeling trapped, tied up with rope

Knowing I am, believing I can

Yet people acting like they can't stand

"Get lost, I'm done, you're so stupid "

I have done so much, yet always excluded

A broken soul, a light begging to be

Yet only knowing loneliness, my soul and me

( more to come, maybe a part 2 )

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

" The Norm " does not fit me...

People and their same old cycle

Waking up, work, sleep, recycle

Some give in to that, never to excel

Every single day, waiting on the bell

Working comfortable, like they were in school

Working for the man, feeling like a tool

You work so hard, that you become blind

Never having time to look in your mind

Some even lose who they were before

Jealousy, anger, cowardice and more

This normal living may fit most, but not all

Some of us are not afraid to fall

Being isolated is not for me

Feeling trapped in a box I will never be

I believe in myself, and all I can do

What I got planned for the future, no one has a clue....

Things change, never to be

But one thing is true, the norm does not fit me...

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Fading to Black

Life once knew, no longer exists

The light once held, fades and twists

The love, once held close

No longer, it all goes

Life once knew, slowly turns 

" Happy times ", never returns

I see myself as a somebody, a light

Others see nobody, nothing in sight

Isolation, and loneliness, my life becomes

No matter what, it's always the same outcomes

Seeing life twist away,

These words are all I can say....

It all fades, nothing will be

In the end, there is only me.... 

( more to come ) 


Friday, 17 February 2017

Fear consumes, when love hurts... ( random thing i felt like writing .... its been a long time )

Fear consumes, when love hurts, you fade further and further into the arms of fear, happiness can be right in front of your face, but fear is more easily obtained... just look out your window at the world, stress, is the painful escelader to fear, it can be soft with small pointy thorns, or it can be a roller coaster towards a needle straight through the heart, you can crawl out of the arms of fear, but the marks it has made, the holes in your heart, may never leave. You can pray for a better tomorrow, be greatful that you are still alive, and flight your way out of stressful times with a rip of a piece of paper. Look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a happy loving couple, do you see yourself in your safe little happy place? Do you see your dreams crashing down, or do you see yourself in a world you wish can ever be, but on the other side of that mirror, is the one thing you fear most.... reality. Do you see yourself becoming something great, yet losing a sense of what really matters, because you now believe " it's life ". Have you suffered so much by so many, yet felt as though you were the popular one? You are never alone, as long as fear is with you, you will always have something with you, that no one else can understand. Love may no longer be seen, life may no longer truly matter, when you are so deep in fear's arms. 

Fear consumes, when love hurts.... embrace it, adapt, and overcome the best of your ability, so that love consumes, when fear hurts.... but what if fear is all you have ever experienced, and your salvation, is isolation, you open up to the world, and not expect anything in return because you do not expect anything in return ( think about it... ). You do not expect anything from a world, an environment that kept you with fear, so you fall deeper into the arms of fear, to a point that now you do not see happiness when it is right in front of your face.... because you do not believe its true.... you fear the truth.... your personal truth.... because you have lost yourself to fear's eyes. Oh how long has it been since you experienced a lie of this world, not realizing that it was the truth? Who is this person, expressing so much lies right in front of my face? This pit of reality is clearer and more true than the lies in front of me! I am consumed in reality, and see the lies of love ......

... Fear consumes, when love hurts

( inspired by WWE's bray wyatt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-4dNclt4Og
and Jeff Hardy: OBSOLETE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QYvqDr7kCo )

Thursday, 18 August 2016

What I have learned in life so far....

In life, you learn many lessons. You are faced with many bumps in the roads, I have had pretty big bumps in mine. Being isolated, alone, lied to, being told I am not good enough in many ways, yet being told that I have so much to offer by others. I have, and still believe that I am a somebody, and that I have something special to give in many ways, however, I never been given an opportunity, or a chance, or had certain people believe in me. I have given all that I have to people who could not see how much I was really giving them, or had people tell me that I am obsessed, when I am just being myself, a guy that cares a lot, maybe too much but that is just how I am, and I am happy to do so, yet others don't seem to understand. I learned that in the end, you may have yourself to be with and yourself to trust, because in the end, it is your life, you know who you are, and if no one sees, if no one understands you, then who cares about them. I know who I am, and accept who I am, but what if who you are, isn't accepted by the people around you, or seen?

Some people believe that you have to be in a relationship, that you have to get married and start a family, cause that is what life is about. Some people believe it so much, that even if things go so bad, they choose to " settle " and be in a relationship that they realize later on they hate, and feel uncomfortable, or even hate being in and choose to get a divorce. For some this happens over and over and over, choosing to settle over and over, having kids, and getting divorces, causing harm not only to themselves, but to their children. Sure, your goal in life could be to have a family, and a home, and all those things, but you do need to think about what you yourself need in the relationship, and take time to see how you feel about the person, and if you are just attracted to them, and not really in love with them. Some tend to marry for.... " other reasons" ( ;) ), because they desire attention so much, or physical attraction a little too much, that they later ruin their lives, and their relationships and so on. You need to remember that you are never EVER forced to be in a relationship of any kind, you are never forced to love someone, and if you feel like you are being forced, reach out to others before its too late, tell others whats going on before its too late. In the end, its your life, and you can choose to live your life alone and focus on being comfortable and happy with yourself, if others find that strange, that is their problem.

People may tell you that you are not good enough to do something, that you can't because you are not that type of person, or maybe because you don't have " it ", or maybe because you just don't have what it takes. Some people will always judge, or even prejudge you, meaning judging you way before even knowing you. I believe that every single person has it in them to make life the way they want to make it. We are all born with not knowing anything about life, and we learn by experiences and many other ways, build up a certain mindset about things. With that said, how can anyone tell you that you are not good enough, when everyone has it in them to do anything? You may just need to focus a bit more, put more effort into it, and you can make it happen, there for, you do, and always will have what it takes to make it happen. Never let others effect you. You know who you are, and what matters to you.

People may walk away, laugh at you, push you away, leave you, you may be left alone, not knowing at all what you have done, feeling confused and maybe in time not liking who you are because you feel like who you are is the reason people treat you the way you are, and you try so hard to be one of them to fit in. You should never try to fit in, if you are different, embrace it. Many people have made amazing successful lives by being different, by not fitting in, by creating things that some may have thought was stupid, yet making tons of money doing it, or being cheered for something they have done. My point is that you are special, everyone is special in their own way, if some people leave, that is their problem, not yours, they chose to do so they chose to be the way they are, you know who you are, don't let their actions effect who you know you are.

Never give in, never give up, and never settle, live life the way you want and the way you feel, and if you feel like you are being forced or pushed into being someone else, stop and think, and find ways to change that, because what matters the most, is what matters to you, and who you are deep down, not what they think is right, but what you know is right for you. ( might work more on this article later )