Friday, 17 February 2017

Fear consumes, when love hurts... ( random thing i felt like writing .... its been a long time )

Fear consumes, when love hurts, you fade further and further into the arms of fear, happiness can be right in front of your face, but fear is more easily obtained... just look out your window at the world, stress, is the painful escelader to fear, it can be soft with small pointy thorns, or it can be a roller coaster towards a needle straight through the heart, you can crawl out of the arms of fear, but the marks it has made, the holes in your heart, may never leave. You can pray for a better tomorrow, be greatful that you are still alive, and flight your way out of stressful times with a rip of a piece of paper. Look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a happy loving couple, do you see yourself in your safe little happy place? Do you see your dreams crashing down, or do you see yourself in a world you wish can ever be, but on the other side of that mirror, is the one thing you fear most.... reality. Do you see yourself becoming something great, yet losing a sense of what really matters, because you now believe " it's life ". Have you suffered so much by so many, yet felt as though you were the popular one? You are never alone, as long as fear is with you, you will always have something with you, that no one else can understand. Love may no longer be seen, life may no longer truly matter, when you are so deep in fear's arms. 

Fear consumes, when love hurts.... embrace it, adapt, and overcome the best of your ability, so that love consumes, when fear hurts.... but what if fear is all you have ever experienced, and your salvation, is isolation, you open up to the world, and not expect anything in return because you do not expect anything in return ( think about it... ). You do not expect anything from a world, an environment that kept you with fear, so you fall deeper into the arms of fear, to a point that now you do not see happiness when it is right in front of your face.... because you do not believe its true.... you fear the truth.... your personal truth.... because you have lost yourself to fear's eyes. Oh how long has it been since you experienced a lie of this world, not realizing that it was the truth? Who is this person, expressing so much lies right in front of my face? This pit of reality is clearer and more true than the lies in front of me! I am consumed in reality, and see the lies of love ......

... Fear consumes, when love hurts

( inspired by WWE's bray wyatt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-4dNclt4Og
and Jeff Hardy: OBSOLETE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QYvqDr7kCo )

Thursday, 18 August 2016

What I have learned in life so far....

In life, you learn many lessons. You are faced with many bumps in the roads, I have had pretty big bumps in mine. Being isolated, alone, lied to, being told I am not good enough in many ways, yet being told that I have so much to offer by others. I have, and still believe that I am a somebody, and that I have something special to give in many ways, however, I never been given an opportunity, or a chance, or had certain people believe in me. I have given all that I have to people who could not see how much I was really giving them, or had people tell me that I am obsessed, when I am just being myself, a guy that cares a lot, maybe too much but that is just how I am, and I am happy to do so, yet others don't seem to understand. I learned that in the end, you may have yourself to be with and yourself to trust, because in the end, it is your life, you know who you are, and if no one sees, if no one understands you, then who cares about them. I know who I am, and accept who I am, but what if who you are, isn't accepted by the people around you, or seen?

Some people believe that you have to be in a relationship, that you have to get married and start a family, cause that is what life is about. Some people believe it so much, that even if things go so bad, they choose to " settle " and be in a relationship that they realize later on they hate, and feel uncomfortable, or even hate being in and choose to get a divorce. For some this happens over and over and over, choosing to settle over and over, having kids, and getting divorces, causing harm not only to themselves, but to their children. Sure, your goal in life could be to have a family, and a home, and all those things, but you do need to think about what you yourself need in the relationship, and take time to see how you feel about the person, and if you are just attracted to them, and not really in love with them. Some tend to marry for.... " other reasons" ( ;) ), because they desire attention so much, or physical attraction a little too much, that they later ruin their lives, and their relationships and so on. You need to remember that you are never EVER forced to be in a relationship of any kind, you are never forced to love someone, and if you feel like you are being forced, reach out to others before its too late, tell others whats going on before its too late. In the end, its your life, and you can choose to live your life alone and focus on being comfortable and happy with yourself, if others find that strange, that is their problem.

People may tell you that you are not good enough to do something, that you can't because you are not that type of person, or maybe because you don't have " it ", or maybe because you just don't have what it takes. Some people will always judge, or even prejudge you, meaning judging you way before even knowing you. I believe that every single person has it in them to make life the way they want to make it. We are all born with not knowing anything about life, and we learn by experiences and many other ways, build up a certain mindset about things. With that said, how can anyone tell you that you are not good enough, when everyone has it in them to do anything? You may just need to focus a bit more, put more effort into it, and you can make it happen, there for, you do, and always will have what it takes to make it happen. Never let others effect you. You know who you are, and what matters to you.

People may walk away, laugh at you, push you away, leave you, you may be left alone, not knowing at all what you have done, feeling confused and maybe in time not liking who you are because you feel like who you are is the reason people treat you the way you are, and you try so hard to be one of them to fit in. You should never try to fit in, if you are different, embrace it. Many people have made amazing successful lives by being different, by not fitting in, by creating things that some may have thought was stupid, yet making tons of money doing it, or being cheered for something they have done. My point is that you are special, everyone is special in their own way, if some people leave, that is their problem, not yours, they chose to do so they chose to be the way they are, you know who you are, don't let their actions effect who you know you are.

Never give in, never give up, and never settle, live life the way you want and the way you feel, and if you feel like you are being forced or pushed into being someone else, stop and think, and find ways to change that, because what matters the most, is what matters to you, and who you are deep down, not what they think is right, but what you know is right for you. ( might work more on this article later )

Monday, 15 February 2016

Looked back at my past posts...and why I am keeping them all up

I was skimming through my past blogs, see how I used to be, and how I am now.Its interesting to see how you yourself go through, seeing what you have had on your mind, how you reacted, and how you were, and how you are now. It makes you see what you been feeling, what mattered to you, what you were passionate about, and what has happened since then.

I see the past me ( after getting over depression and fighting to create change ) as a man who was passionate about making a change, who would push myself, even with what was going on with me at the time, not able to really speak much since a part of me was still depressed, but still able and willing and had the desire to step out and make an impact in some way. Sure, during that time I got pretty upset, I got emotional, but that is what comes with trying to make a big positive change in schools and stuff, a big positive change in general really. I came pretty close to making a change in schools where I am, except I was blocked by schools for doing so ( even though the trustees of the school board liked it, but wanted a demonstration ). I was hurt when I felt like I was pretty much blocked off from making a difference, but I realized later that I did. I made people at town hall meetings and with my blog realize what was going on, and started to speak against it, in a way, made people see what was really happening.

Later on, I started to lose focus on what I was doing, and started to aim more to just being with someone, and reaching out for a job, most times not even related to what I desire. I became a bit more stuck in the thought that it's time to move on, when my heart was telling me to keep going. I watched a video that really got me thinking ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4Ko32D5ALw ), that I need to continue down that path that I was on, to build myself up, push myself even more. There are many paths towards the same goal that I am trying to aim for, my next step in life is to go to university in social work. That way I can be working in schools, or somewhere where I can continue to make a difference. It maybe a longer path, but it is what my heart wants the most, what I want the most.

I am keeping the past posts up because it shows how a guy who been through so much, and has fought for something, what that kind of person goes through. It also shows signs of how schools and community places and stuff seem to really see the community when someone really wants to make a difference in the world. It is more of a sign that things do need to change. I believe that if you feel strongly for something, that you share it, show it, express it as much as you can, any way that you can, especially if its something like creating a positive change in people's lives. There will always be some stuff you may feel should not be said, but never block yourself from expressing that though in some way. The more we hide our true feelings, the more we lose who we really are, and what really matters to us.

Monday, 8 February 2016

Why are some feminists pretty misinformed about reality? ( anita sarkeesian )

First off, I do agree this world has some sexist things, even in gaming. I know some girls that would like to become gamers if there were just more playable, and main characters that are female. I believe some games go far beyond the line when it comes to showing sexist stuff ( like the horrible, and offensive game called Ride to Hell ). I believe that there should be games targeted to what feminists want. However, there are some feminists out there ( like Anita Sarkeesian ) that clearly just go on youtube, and reach out, and clearly spread misinformed, and some of the most dumbest responses to games I have ever seen.

One of her points, one of her recent videos explained about buts, like bottoms. Now sure, some games do get pretty crazy when it comes to showing off body parts and being pretty perverted, however, when it comes to targeting all games, especially games that are rated M for mature, games that are expected to be offensive, and meant for adult gamers, that shows that she is desperate to target anything that can be seen as feminist. If you see what is out there in movies, in tv shows, and just in reality, compared to games, you will find out that there are far more offensive than buts in video games. What was the point in her aiming at buts, in reality, both boys and girls are attracted to buts, we all have buts, and on mature games, you have to expect mature, adult content like that. Also, its 2016, games have evolved, far better graphics, becoming more realistic, that is not a scary thing, its impressive, and has become mainstream, just like movies, just like adult content, just like a lot of things. There for, saying that games are the problem for violence, or sexist acts is wrong, when you have far worse things in movies, or on TV, and especially on the internet that is not protective compared to video games.

My belief is that things do need to improve, but not in the way Anita wants. There needs to be something for everyone, there needs to be things for both males and female both to really enjoy, and to be happy to play, just like movies, just like tv shows, just like any form of entertainment. There just needs to be something for everyone. Also, it is good to point out things, but we do need to understand that NOT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST! AND VIDEO GAMES ARE NOT THE ISSUE TO THINGS IN THE WORLD!

All entertainment are meant to make you feel a certain way, excited, sad, angry, and more, the main thing about video games is to have fun, and everyone has their own way of thinking when it comes to what is fun, or ok, or amazing, or exciting, or entertaining, and we have to accept that, not target games, and try to take it away or something like that, because then we just become monsters, taking away all that is fun, that is entertaining, we start to become bad. Some people who create games may take risks, may do things that they believe is entertaining and fun. If we keep attacking them, we are really taking away the creativity of others. All we need to do is to share our thoughts and ideas on what we like, and what we find entertaining, and hope people hear us, but never force, and attack those who want to share their creativity, weather we do not accept it or not, there are millions of games out there, million of movies, we are free to choose what we find acceptable, and entertaining. Don't attack those just cause you do not accept their creative view on life, or on what is entertaining, just choose someone else's view on entertaining, just like you do when it comes to having friends, or having a relationship, or buying food, choose what is acceptable and entertaining to YOU!

( will probably continue working on this article later, but felt like I needed to say something for now.

Saturday, 12 December 2015

Its A Choice, Not A Must ( the poem from my last post )

No one tells you to get married, some just expect it to happen

Some fall in love, and believe the next step is to do what they have seen

Some feel as though they do not have a choice, that it is a part of life

That no one else is there, so they have to be someone's husband or wife

No one has told you that you have to get married

These days, life is really unexpected

You can never truly trust someone, or know someone

You don't know their intentions they may say one thing, but think another one

You may actually be putting yourself, or someone else in a position they don't want to be

You may think you know, but their mind, their heart you can't see

Hurtful moments in life can change people, especially if they are personal and deep

Those moments where inside you cry and weep

It eats you up, like a curse

But don't let that feeling make you settle down with something worse

Choose what is best for you, even if that ends up being on your own

Be happy and choose what makes you happy, not what can make you moan

Live life comfortably, if you are in a state of sadness

I not saying isolation, I am saying turn it into a state of happiness... One way or another

Keep connections , make friends. Leave the bad ones in the dust,

But don't feel like you have to be super close to anyone, it's a choice, not a must

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Be You, Be Real

In this life, that are very VERY little real and true things and people.


CAREER/JOBS: 
Most companies hiring process has a thought process that " assume the worst from new employees, and have them convince you ". The more they think negative of someone, the more they feel hate and distrusting of people, and thus, no one who recently graduated can get a job, because of the mindset that is put on these recruiters by the company. Having long term negative thoughts about people is not only hurting the company, but its hurting the recruiter. They can start judging people outside the company, their family, the partner, their kids, basically going from wanting to be positive and building up a company, to being selfish, and distrusting of people, and basically an uncaring person, not saying everyone is, but it is a possibility. Also, the job may not even be based on communication, but you have to communicate and explain that you can do it. This entire thing explains how people strive so hard to become something they want to be, just to be held back, and thus, it makes people rethink their career path, and even possibly settling down with something they don't like, causing them to get stressed out on life, and eventually hating life. Also, this can cause people to think less about themselves, to feel like they somehow don't have what it takes to do what they have strives to do for a long time, and in their and other people's minds, believe that they have all the tools and have what it takes to be what they dream of being, but are not being accepted. This can cause them to be a bit more uncomfortable to deal with in a relationship, and may even effect how they want to treat their kids, to believing that they can be who they want, to basically giving up on their kids because they have given up on themselves. 

RELATIONSHIPS:
 The people you date, you can never fully believe that they are going out with you for you, it could be more about themselves than for you. What is their intent on being with you, did you make such a touching and deep speech or done something that touched them, that now they want to just be with you, and are attracted to you, but then eventually get bored of you but " feel bad " for leaving you, so they cheat behind your back until they find someone they happy with, before telling you. Or maybe they do actually feel for you, and say that they are loyal to you, but they do not show any interest in you, and more concerned about their image, but keep you around because " your a nice person", not actually loving you, but more " appreciative" than " loving ", they appreciate, but never give back in the relationship. What about those people that are more fixed on money, and having things done their way, and basically selfish, but when you met them first, they were caring and understanding and giving you all you need, and your now just sitting their hoping that they get over whatever is happening and become that sweet loving caring person, but the fact is that person may not have even been there? What about those so desperate for a relationship that they lie about their age and at the end seem like they only in the relationship for a different reason, like maybe getting a green card so they can be with their family, and willing to love someone they don't know just to do that, then when you 2 are together, she or he acts super distant from you because she or he never felt that close to you, she or he only cared that you got her there. You got to be 100 percent sure of their intention of being with you from the start, before considering being in a relationship with someone, and especially before choosing to live he rest of your life with them, or you can always choose to be free, on your own, there is no rule that says you have to be in a relationship, or that you HAVE TO get married.Here is a poem that I written:

No one tells you to get married, some just expect it to happen

Some fall in love, and believe the next step is to do what they have seen

Some feel as though they do not have a choice, that it is a part of life

That no one else is there, so they have to be someone's husband or wife

No one has told you that you have to get married

These days, life is really unexpected

You can never truly trust someone, or know someone

You don't know their intentions they may say one thing, but think another one

You may actually be putting yourself, or someone else in a position they don't want to be

You may think you know, but their mind, their heart you can't see

Hurtful moments in life can change people, especially if they are personal and deep

Those moments where inside you cry and weep

It eats you up, like a curse

But don't let that feeling make you settle down with something worse

Choose what is best for you, even if that ends up being on your own

Be happy and choose what makes you happy, not what can make you moan

Live life comfortably, if you are in a state of sadness

I not saying isolation, I am saying turn it into a state of happiness... One way or another

Keep connections , make friends. Leave the bad ones in the dust,

But don't feel like you have to be super close to anyone, it's a choice, not a must 

Making a REAL difference in life:
Maybe one day you want to go and help people and make a difference in the world, having gone though so much, and hearing all the changes students are doing, that you want to contribute to that change, but then having schools block you from helping because their mindset is more about protecting their jobs and their life, than the life of the students, and not allowing the community that they say they work for help in any way, shape, or form, even if they have supporters from the school board themselves. People may say they became a teacher to make a difference and teach people and help people at the same time, but is that their real intention? Have their really been doing what they say they do? Do they try to listen to feedback, and use the feedback, or listen to the feedback, and do whats best to keep their job? The rest of the world knows what needs to be done in schools, but its the schools themselves that are blocking people from doing so, but yet they say they are giving the community a voice, but are they really listening? Changing the system may not make a difference if the people in schools have that mindset.

Childhood:
Childhood, the moment where most kids are free, and some aren't. Some are free to have fun and feel free, and some are abused by family, ignored by the ones that they they love them, or worse, pretty much not cared for. Some kids grow up with a lot of life issues, meaning maybe social issues, mental issues, and more. Some parents even get a divorce, then become selfish, more concerned for their happiness than their daughter or son, even if they know that something is wrong with them. This can cause children to turn far different than what they used to be. You may once think that someone is really sweet, but then get mentally or emotionally effected by things, and causing them to change. A child can go from being so smart, and caring, and educated, to feeling lost, wanting attention, needing acceptance by any way, making people look the other way.


WHO ARE YOU?
The only thing real in this world is you, but who are you really, what are you going through, what have you given up on, are you really the person that you believe you are, or are you only saying it because of something, because someone is making you say that, because you have to say it, or that you want attention, and willing to lie and do what you can to get that attention, and now its come to the point that even you believe it, but other people don't see that about you, and believe you are saying that for attention, or something. Are you really living the life you want, and are you really the person that you want to be? Are you really who you say you are?

( will be working more on this article in time, will probably re-post this later ) 

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Little Something I Felt Like Writing, An Idea For A Character For An Anti Bullying Film

First off, Its been such a long time since I posted a post on here, really should get myself back to making posts again. I have just been thinking a lot about things, about my career, working to get into other university or college again, wanting to make a difference, but felt like I was stuck. I also been thinking bout my past a bit, just been going through a little bit, but I am back and feeling much better, but I am still working on thinking of a way to make a difference. 

Someone contacted me recently asking for my help with their anti bullying short movie, you can read more about the people who contacted me in my last post. That gave me an Idea to write this post, an idea for a character of a anti bullying superhero movie or show or something.

It would be a leader of a group of victims, people who suffered though bullying and have gathered together to create a force, that partner themselves with the super hero of the movie, but choose not to join in because they believe in following in their own footsteps, and not run by some superhero. They are there to protect those who can not defend themselves. 

Later in the show, or movie, other the superhero says someone to the leader of the group, that the superhero did not know would be harmful to the leader. Or maybe the leader spots the superhero stopping someone in his/her group who they believed was innocent, and that causes the group to think differently about the superhero, and start to find a way to capture the hero, by doing what they can to get the hero's attention. 

They continue to do worse and worse things, starting from very less serious issues, to harming others to get the hero's attention. They get to the point that they start to realize that they have turned into the people that they were working to stop, Most of them hand themselves in to the hero, but the others still roam and try to rebuild the group in a new name, but are eventually stopped. 

There are various things that happen in between each of these moments, but this is more of a general way to explain how this character would be through the story.

The look of the character: He would have a mask, kind of like " Anonymous ", or maybe one that covers a mark of his or her past. this leader would show some serious signs of being bullied by his look, maybe with tattoos, or unique marks on his cloths and on some of his items that he carries with him. He would look like someone who really knows so much about how it is like to be really isolated, and suffered so much in his/her past. 

The character would slowly start to question a few actions that the hero takes, since the group thinks a bit difference about handling certain issues. Eventually, once the turning point comes and the character sees something that the hero done or something, the character puts all of his or her efforts to capture the hero to question him face to face. He or she would go from being dedicated and being a kind leader, to being a bit more strict and a bit of a " crazy " attitude, almost as though his depressed, emotions he or she once had in the past is coming back in a bad way. 

What do you think of this so far, will be working on it more.